WOW....

I was just called out on several blogs that I posted... thinking that I wasn't going to get caught on what I wrote. WHOOPPSS!!! Sorry!! LOL!! I guess it might take some time before someone actually reads it but it will get read! :-)

So things haven't gone the way that I thought that it would... I dropped WW, cause I couldn't keep up. I haven't been back to school cause financial aid is being a d*ck. And work is just... work. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, is the way that I see things now-in-days. What can I say... I'm such an optimist. LOL!!

I want to do good by my loved ones, especially my hubby and munchkin. But I feel that I am forever letting them down. Hubby claims that I don't let him down, but in my heart I feel that I am.

Am I a bad friend? Who knows... according to some people, I'm not. But then why do I feel that I am at times. Am I trying to live up to a standard in my head that doesn't exist? Why do I feel that I let down all those around me when I think that I am doing my best.

I have to say that I feel alone sometimes, especially when I am surrounded by people. Why is that?

I love to stop and smell the "roses" too, you know... see...

Why can't life be just this easy...

I love my family to death...


Here is my hubby and me... don't we look truly happy?!?

And here is the apple of my eye... my munchkin... my everything... the reason that I want to do everything that I can in this world...

Isn't she just beautiful?!?? Gosh... how was I so blessed with such a beautiful daughter!?

This is the story of my "crazy" life... I want it to be perfect. But how can I want it to be perfect if I am so flawed!?!?
I don't know the answer to that... but hopefully someday I will.

Here is a picture that I love so much... three generations of ladies...

I hope that I can be there for my daughter the way that my mother has been there for the both of us...

Am I over thinking things... most likely.
Am I wanting things in life that can possibly make me go crazy... quite true.
But why can't I just ask for what I am entitled to... the life that I want, the way that I want it.

Only God knows that answer!

Okay....

So I couldn't keep up with Weight Watchers... But I have been watching what I eat do much more closely now. I don't feel so heavy after I eat. I'm feeling so much better... Now I need to get back to the gym and I think that will help me out a bit more with my goals.
Even though I haven't really told anyone about my set back from WW, I still have a goal to get thinner by the end of the year.
Hopefully, I will continue to work towards my goals... And I will have the mind set that I once had.

My secret... Whoops..

Well, if anyone actually reads this, they will be in on my little secret. LOL!! But since I know that no one does read this, I'm safe. LOL!

So... I started Weight Watchers yesterday morning. Back on the wagon again... But I'm hoping and praying that I do it right this time. Hey, if movie stars can do it on WW why can't I, huh? Right?

Yesterday I found my 0 point foods... Which I'm totally grateful for. Learning how to eat again... Something that I should have learned how to do a long time ago. I probably wouldn't be suffering with trying to lose weight now that I'm in my 30's. And always feeling like a loser because of it. Hopefully with time, and my final attempt to do thus, I will finally start to feel better about myself and see a change in my life.

I have the tools to do it... My new iPod and now WW... But most importantly, I made a solemn promise to my beautiful daughter that I would do this for her. So I can't let her down... And her future sibling either.

So on to breakfast now... Wish me luck.

Apparently...

I look like a 'boba' to some people... Okay, be that way, but when my rath falls upon you, please don't be surprised.
I might look like I don't know what I'm doing but you shall be very surprised when things come out in the end.
Don't screw with this chick... You don't know the real me. Nor will you ever.

Today is the day...

I'm so excited!!! Today is the day that we leave for the Dells. We have to wait for Joel and Jessica to get out of work, then we drive up there.

I took Mayalis to the park sprinkler's yesterday just to get her ready for this weekend. I'm so ready to get out of the city... And enjoy the time with my family and friends.

Let's get this done.

Pictures will be posted... Cannot wait.

Okay....

Okay... So I overreact sometimes... I know this. And so many people that know me know this... I don't mean to, but I feel so overwhelmed sometimes that I don't know what to do with myself.

Breathe... Breathe... Breathe... That's what I've been told. But I've been breathing my whole life. And I continue to breathe every day.

Relax... I've been told that too... But what's that. Even while pregnant I didn't know what that was either. I definitely need to learn the whole relax thing and soon... Or I'm going to run myself into the ground.

Thursday... 07/21/2011

Okay... So nothing really special going on today but feeling fabulous. I love feeling like this. I guess I needed to make this change in my life in order to find some happiness within myself.

I'm realizing that the only person that can make me happy first and foremost is myself... Cause if I'm not happy, no one else can make me happy. No matter how much I might love those surrounding me, I have to make myself happy before I can make anyone else happy.

And with how short life really is... I need to do this for myself. And for the sanity for those around me.

Getting excited...

Okay... So I'm getting excited about a little vacation that I will be taking this weekend... So can't wait to post pictures of all the fun things we will be doing.

Work is becoming so dull that the only thing that is getting me through this week is planning this little get away... Ha! Ha! Ha!

Can't wait to explore and share so much this weekend... Pictures are a must!! So I need to download all the pictures that are on my camera and charge it up!

And so excited about this blog also... And learning to upload text and pictures at the same time on the same blog... I want to become an expert. :-)

Okay... Only 30 minutes left at work. So going to keep a smile on my face and finish off the day.

Much love!

Here I go again

Okay... So here I go again...
How many times can one person say that they are going to start over with something before it can be said that no one will believe you? I want people to believe me, but I also want to believe in myself. Where is my motivation? When am I going to be able to reach my goals... To finally be happy with myself.

I want to enjoy every moment in my life... But how can you when I'm feeling down all the time or just not happy with myself. I want to enjoy all the seasons... Especially summer! I remember when I would wear a bathing suit and feel great in it... Now I'm forever looking for excuses on why I can't wear one. So pathetic!! Where is that girl that used to love showing off her curves... Made friends with everyone that she'd come across. I miss her... And I'm sure that a lot of my family and friends miss her too. She was no nonsense... She didn't care about what people said. She didn't see others as the enemy. She laughed a lot and cried very little... Now it seems like the polar opposite.

I want to flaunt my curves again... Have my husband see that girl that he once knew become the woman that she should have become. The woman that my young daughter can look up to and be proud to call her mother.

I want to go out again... Enjoy the night life with my family and friends.
I want to step foot outside and feel the sun on my face... And look at myself with a sense of greatness again.
I want to see new things and see old things with a new set of eyes...

And with this being the year that I turn 34 years old, I want to start enjoying life again.
And with God and my family and friends by my side... I will achieve my goals.