The last day of the year...

I got a feeling that tonight is going to be a very good night, along side my family and friends. A great way to end a good year and start off a new one.

And as much as I am excited about tonight, I am not sure why I can't find anything to write about myself today.

I do have something to reflect on... There is another blog that I follow from a friends' sister.

As I read her words, it just jumps out at me and just tugs at my heart on how much this woman does not value herself. It's so scary to see those words that she writes and see myself in her shoes; not completely but in a LOT of the instances that she describes.

She recently came out of a very abusive relationship and even though I have never been in that type of relationship, there are things that she described feeling while in the relationship that I have felt in past relationships.
There are things that she has described in her blog that she has just recently done that I did when I was younger. And she believes that she can never forgive herself for what she has done, but you do. You might not ever forget the things that you have done, but with time, you learn how to forgive yourself.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

And I have lived by that... because it was only when I forgave myself for my past doings was I able to move forward. Our heavenly Father does not want you to dwell on the past but to live for the bright future that we have ahead of ourselves.

And forgiveness is what leads to love... love towards others... love towards life... love of ourselves.

And that is completely true... we don't forgive others for what they have done to us or forgive ourselves for what we have done so that it's done and over with. We forgive in order to move forward in life.

With that, I will end my year and start it forgiving myself for the mistakes that I have made (and continue to make) and know that this new year will be full of mistakes, but that I need to continue to learn from them and move on.

So wishing everyone a very special New Year!

Until my next entry next year ;-)

Christmas has come and gone.

But we still have New Years Eve to look forward to. :-)

How crazy is this? You spend all this time looking for the best gift, the best Christmas tree – even decorating it – wrapping up gifts, for it to be all done within minutes in one day. LOL!! But the look on everyone’s face after they have opened their gift is probably my best gift. And it is all gone until next year. And we go through the same steps every single year. The only reminder of the holidays are the bags of wrapping paper and the empty boxes of toys, clothes or whatever were inside that have been now broken free.

That’s okay… A new year will soon be upon us and we will be able to go through all the wonderful things from throughout the year. So the new year is like a reminder of a lot of the things that we just went through this year but also a way of growing into other things in life. Like becoming a better person over-all, learning about new things in life (or about someone/something)… creating new memories… starting a new/healthier habit.

A new year is all about growth and you have to embrace the growth that is coming towards you because if you don’t, you’ll never learn what you are capable of doing or learning. You have to test your limits and surpass them so that you can feel better about yourself. You have to dream BIG so that you can dive into life and achieve those dreams.

I know that I have said this time and time again… but it’s time that land on my feet and stop talking about it and do something about it. It’s like they say… Sh!t or get off the pot! And it about that time that I got off the pot and do something about it.

Things have been rough for me this year… I’ve learned a lot about myself but I have also lost myself at the same time. 

I have come full circle on things that I should have seen a long time ago – I apologize for not doing it earlier – and I know that with a new year upon us, I will realize a lot of my dreams and aspiration that I have set for myself and my family. I have been taken to the brink and have been able to come back… I lost it but felt good that I did because I was able to regain the strength that I thought that I had lost.

It has been a long and bumpy road but without those bumps in the road, I don’t think that I would have been able to realize my potential and how much strength I really have. I have realized this year that I have more strength that I give myself credit for.

And trying is something that I will continue to do so that I can complete the things that I want to do in my life. The more that I try to do, the more I will experience, the more I will learn and the stronger I will become.

Sometimes you have to go with your gut feelings on things because those feelings are the ones that will steer you into the right direction that you have to take in life. And those feelings are the ones that I should be listening to more often, especially when it comes to my health and going to the gym.

Last night was the first class of Zumba that I had taken in a very long time. I couldn't believe how much of the moves I remembered from this particular instructors class and how much she kicked my @$$ at the same time but I enjoyed that much needed class. I cannot wait to get back into her class next week; I have already added her class on my calendar as a reminder. I forgot how much going to the gym and taking a Zumba class can make me feel empowered.

I have been looking for weight training workouts and thankfully I found a few that will help me strengthen my core. I can’t wait to start those because I REALLY need to strengthen my core (abs) and at the same time that I am strengthening my core, I should be able to strengthen my arms, back and chest.

Strengthening myself is something that will help me with other things that I have to do in my life.

Little by little, things will fall into place for me and I will see a different woman staring back at me from the mirror because I certainly did not like the one that was staring at me from the mirror at the gym last night. But I know that I am the only person that can look at myself and change. I am the only one that has to make this change for myself.

Only you (as in ME) have the energy to change what you don’t like. And if that is the challenge for next year, then by golly (yes, I said GOLLY! LOL!!), I accept this challenge for myself.

As much as I really don’t like the singer Rhianna, I have to steal a like from one of her songs. I want to SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND! And in order to get there, I have to do whatever it takes.

I have a lot of goals that I have sent for myself for this upcoming new year and I plan on crossing out each and every one of those goals to be able to reflect on my life this time next year and see how far I have come. The plan is to be in a better place this time next year and nothing is going to stop me from getting there.

So with that, I will end this entry here.

Have a fabulous weekend and I thank you so much for reading these entries.
I appreciate any and all the feedback that I receive from them. If you like, you can save my link to your browser so you can check it anytime. That address is http://melirodsan.blogspot.com/ and you are able to comment on there too.

Hasta la proxima! 

Merry Christmas Eve

And here I am at work on Christmas Eve... I cannot believe that I'm working on Christmas Eve! UGH!
I haven't worked on Christmas Eve in ages! I can't remember a time that I actually worked on this day.

I am grateful that I do have a job and at that, a job that I enjoy, but still... I rather be at home especially since both my loves are at home and I have so much that I have to do before heading over to my brother's house tonight. 

It is what it is... we have roll with the punches.

I am just happy that it is finally the holidays... and this is my favorite time of year.

And I am going to make sure that I enjoy every single moment of these next couple of days before I have to come back to work on Wednesday.

So this weekend was great!

Friday I made it my mission not to go to bed until I had all the presents wrapped up... and I did it! I didn't get to bed until 1:30am, but it was worth it.

Then Saturday, I woke up early to go get a few more presents and then hang out at home with the loves... and to top off the afternoon, the nephews came by and they stayed over.
We took them to Logan Theater to watch a movie with the princess... she loves hanging out with her cousins. I love watching her hanging out with them.

Sunday was a wonderful day... we went to Grissell's house to have the kids exchange gifts.
And boy was it wonderful... all the kids had a great time.
Santa Claus even came by to make an early appearance for the kids...

And we even got a few other pictures in at the same time... which are priceless!

And I can't wait until tonight... more food, fun, presents and pictures! :-)
Tomorrow should be just as wonderful as tonight... I can't wait to give the two loves their presents tomorrow morning and even make breakfast for them both!

Well, it's almost time to get out of here, so I will leave this entry here... have a wonderful day!

Merry Christmas!

I can't stand this...

I want to write everyday...!!!

I just realized that I have only wrote 5 times this month... so totally not like me! I wrote 20 different entries last month and this month, being it the last month of the year, I have completely slacked off and not entered how I really feel about the end of the year coming right around the corner.

Christmas Eve is in 4 days!
Christmas Day is in 5 days!
My nephews 10th birthday is in 5 days!
The end of the year is just upon us in just 11 days! YIKES! LOL!!

My journey has taught me so much this year... work harder and don't let anything stop you.
Thankfully I have hours, days, weeks and months ahead of me to continue to grow as an individual. I know that there is so much more that I need to accomplish and with the faith that I have in the Lord, I know that I will accomplish those goals. 

I might get lost along the way, and I might feel alone along the way... but I will find my way back and I am never alone because of the love and support that I have from the people that I surround myself with.

I want to be able to get that little black dress and feel great wearing it.
I want to be able to run my first 10K in May and feel accomplished because I ran more than 50% of it.

There is so much that I want to accomplish in the new year... and I am really hoping and praying that I am able to accomplish them. Things will only make me feel better once I have accomplish them.

Maybe tomorrow I will type out my bucket list for the year 2013... and by this time next year, I would have hopefully had accomplished at least 50% of them. LOL!

Well, with the end of the work day coming to a close, I will end this entry here.

Hasta la proxima!

Hello again! :-)

Well, it's been an interesting 4 days since I last wrote.

The weekend was great!

I got picked up at the train station by my two loves on Friday night and we headed to the gym to sign me up again. Afterwards, it was a girls night gathering for me and a daddy/daughter date for the hubby and princess. I finally got home around 1:30am... from being away from home since 7:30am on Friday morning. LOL! It was a good night... can't wait to do it again and hopefully soon with my two Ya-Ya sisters and the our hubby's.

Saturday ran a few errands and then headed to Karla's house to celebrate Alliana's birthday. It was such a good time for all. The princess sure did have a wonderful time that evening.
And after putting the princess to bed, the hubby and I had some time together to just chill and watch a little bit of television.

Sunday... had the opportunity to wake up a little late and then get ready to head to the Museum of Science and Industry to see the exhibit of Christmas trees from around the world and the Charlie Brown exhibit.

Good grief, Charlie Brown!

Merry Christmas!

It was such fun times... we got there around 1:00pm and didn't leave until close to 6:00pm! 
We became members of the museum, so we can go at anytime! I cannot wait to go again soon! Hopefully we can make it another great Sunday afternoon in January!

After leaving the museum, we headed to the grocery store to pick up some much necessary things to get through the week.

We got home to eat some yummy soup that I had gotten at the grocery store and then it was time for me to get ready for my morning trip to Springfield with my boss.

I got all my stuff together and then it was time for bed for me... I was exhausted since I had woken up before everyone else in the house. And of course since the little princess took a nap in the car after we left the museum, she didn't want to go back to sleep. So I sent her with her daddy and I went back to sleep.

I was picked up on Monday bright and early by my boss and we headed off to the office's Springfield location. I have never been to Springfield before, so it was nice to be able to experience the drive down there - almost 4 hours - and the little bit of sightseeing that I did do.

Here are a few pictures that I took...

President Lincoln's Family

The old State Capital

The State Capitol of Springfield

The lobby of my hotel - The State House Inn

My hotel room (and slight view) - The State House Inn

My dinner - the specialty of Springfield - The Horseshoe!

But no matter how much you enjoy being away in a new place, there is no place like home and I couldn't wait to get back home on Tuesday afternoon.

And when I walked through the door of my parents house at almost 6pm on Tuesday evening, the first little person that I saw was my princess and the first words she said to me were: Mommy!! I found you! 
OMG... I thought that I was going to lose it standing there at the entrance of the house... but she came up to me, gave me a hug and dragged me into the house. LOL! It was just a priceless moment!

So after having dinner with my parents and feeding the little one, I headed downstairs to relax from a very long day. Princess and I played for a little while but I could tell by her eyes that she was starting to get tired, so at 8pm, I put her into her bed and put on a movie for her. When I went in to check in on her about 30 minutes later, she was knocked out! WOW!! I couldn't believe it.
I was hoping to do the same thing, but I hadn't seen the hubby yet and I couldn't go another night without seeing him. 

He finally arrived home after 9:00 and we chatted a bit about my trip and then it was time for me to go to bed... I slept so well because I finally home. :-)

And now I am here at work... it's been a pretty good day, except for the news that I received that I wasn't going to be able to take the vacation time that I had requested. UGH! I was so looking forward to relaxing and getting up a little later than usual... but NOOOOOOO... I'll have to come into work on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve! This sucks! Only upside to this, is that I will be able to leave early on both those days. 

Looking forward to the weekend ahead... finishing up shopping, the kids Christmas gift exchange, Christmas Eve at my brothers, Christmas Day at my mother-in-law's. It's going to be a good holiday. :-)

Headed to the gym tonight... after a long time... and looking forward to it. It's been a while since I've been to the gym so I am looking forward to getting back in shape.

And I have to report that I have gotten to the 100-squat mark last night... there is another 100-squats that I have to do tonight, and then the next 100 aren't until the day after Christmas and then again on New Years Eve.
But I am looking forward to just doing 50-squats tomorrow. LOL!

Have a wonderful evening!

Hasta la proxima!

I lost it...

And think that it will happen again.
The other night I came to a crossroad - in my mind - as I laid in bed waiting for sleep to take me away.
As I finished up a game, my loving husband came home from work and I guess stared at me while I was playing a game.
When he came up to me and looked into my eyes, a years worth of pain just came over me and I started to cry.
And I couldn't stop... a flood of so many different emotions came over me.
Gasps of air... sobs just taking over my whole being.

But I am glad that I got that out... and I am sure that with time, I will do it again. It's just bound to happen because all this that I am experiencing is something that most people don't experience at the same time.

I am very grateful for the people that I have in my life, that's for sure.
Especially for the hubby who just let me get it out that night... and reminded me, by bringing our princess to me, that a little girl did come into our life and choose us as parents.

This little girl found me... and I am so extremely happy that she did because if she hadn't, I believe that this journey would have been even worse for me.

Well, this is probably one of the SHORTEST entries that I have wrote in one year of blogging... LOL... but I am looking forward to getting out of work today and spending time with my loves before hanging out with my girls for a birthday gathering.

I will be headed to Springfield on Monday morning so hopefully I will be able to blog that night... if not, let's see when.

Have a wonderful weekend... I know that I will. :-)

Hasta la proxima!

The pain is subsisting...

As much as I believe that this pain inside of me will go away with time, I am starting to believe it and I am starting to believe that with time I will finally come to the realization that things will become normal for me again.

But before I get into those feelings, I wanted to share the wonderful past weekend that I had.

On Friday night, we had a company Christmas party at Bar Louie down here in downtown. And I had never been there before. It was so nice... we had such a great time. :-)

Here are a few pictures from the party itself. :-)

Everyone had such a great time and the food was fabulous! I am so glad that I decided to go to my first outing with the office folks.

Then on Saturday, the hubby, the princess and I woke up late and hung out at home for a while before heading out to a birthday party for the baby of one of the hubby's cousin's. It was a good time... and the princess had a great time there.

Saturday night was a blast! I am so grateful to all those people that came out for the hubby's birthday gathering at the bowling alley... a GREAT time had by all. :-) I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to come and spend time with us to celebrate the hubby's birthday.

Here are a few pictures from that night...

The hubby walked away from that night a happy man... he was so happy about the turn out and the great time that everyone had that night. A lot of laughs, pizza and a lot of drinks were shared that night... and again, thank you to all that came out. I cannot wait until the next time we all go out again.

And then on Sunday... that was the day that the princess had all our attention and devotion!

Here she is waiting for everything to happen...

She was just so ready to get back into the warmness of the car because not only was it cold, it was raining too! But she was such a trooper to brave it all for her first run. I don't be putting her through any other cold runs but surely know that I will putting her through the warmer ones. LOL! She enjoyed it!

She even got to see Santa Claus... he came right down from the North Pole on Sunday to wish all the racers good luck! :-)

And here are pictures of her actually running the 50-yard dash...

And here she is at the end of the race... cheering that she did it!

We are so proud of our little girl on her first run - even though I had to run it with her because she wouldn't let go of my hand. LOL! But she was so excited about the whole experience!

And here she is... in the car...

She knocked out from all the fun that she had that morning... but that didn't stop her from continuing her afternoon with me and my mom and then that night at her grandmother's house for her daddy's birthday dinner.

That afternoon, she took a ride on a train at the mall... LOL!!

 And then that evening... she helped her daddy blow out the candles on his birthday cake...

It was a fantastic weekend... couldn't have been better if I would have planned it even more.

Then Monday was the hubby's actual birthday... he drove me into work since I was bringing in rice that he made for the team the night before. And I started my day here.
That night I waited up for him to sing happy birthday to him with the princess... it was great!

Tuesday was just another day... nothing major.

This morning I had an appointment with the fertility doctor at 6:45am... and the three of us headed over there together. Another round of blood tests and an ultrasound was done. Now I am just waiting to hear back from the nurse and what may my next steps be.

But back to the way that I am feeling today...

I was talking to someone at work today and was given a new sense of hope... something that I didn't believe that I could have at this stage.
Someone here at work has gone through perimenopause, at the age of 37 a tab older than when I found out, but a lot of the feelings that she went through, she went through them alone also. At the time, over 12 years ago for her, she didn't have anyone to talk to about this because there wasn't a lot of people that had been going through this either.
The sense of being alone in this is still there but with knowing that there someone else that went through it at a young age close to me in the office to ask questions to, is reassuring to me.

I asked her about the sense of losing my sexual appetite, and she told me that is normal. But I can't get comfortable with that notion... I have to fight it. I have to make it a priority for my relationship because I can easily just push it aside as a common side-effect of this.

And then to top off my morning, I just received the phone call from the nurse.
She said that my FSH level (follicle-stimulating hormone level) is higher than it was last time I was in.
I can't catch a break... I don't know what to do now.
I am on the internet looking at ways to lower my FSH level. According to some website, my diet needs to change so that I can bring it down.
I need to get more proteins, good fats and complex cards. I need to take more iron and vitamin E. Maybe even taking some herbs called Shatavari, Dong Quai or Rehmannia might even help.

Never did I think that I would be going through two trying things in my life at the same time... trying to get pregnant on top of battling with perimenopause. This last year has been so trying in my life. I am so surprised that I have not just lost it... I am so surprised. Even though I have gotten very close to that point, that all I want to do is cry my eyes out, I have been able to bring myself from it.

Any other person would just let their emotions take completely over - and it's not to say that I haven't stood in the shower just crying my eyes out - but I have noticed more and more that God believes so much in me and in my strength, even when I haven't been able to believe in myself.
And I have the most supportive people surrounding me. Even though they don't understand what I am going through, they try their best to be supportive of me.

But in the end... no matter how hard things may be, I look at this and know that it will be worth it at the end...

The reason that I haven't gone completely crazy... my princess.
I look into her sweet face and know that no matter what, she will be my rock (along with some other people in my life) and lift me up; just as I will continue to do for her.

And I have to thank these two wonderful women for holding my hand through so much...

I know that at times I might be the most ununderstandable person, but I appreciate the way that you both make time to listen to me and care about me deeply. I love you both... the sister's that I wasn't blessed with by my parents, God blessed me two-fold.

And before I lose it too much, I will end this entry here... and I am sure that I will get the message that I wrote too much today (LOL!!!) but I appreciate that you read it all. :-)

Hasta la proxima! XOXOXO

This is post #100... so proud of myself!

Feeling alone in this part of my journey...

So I decided that I wanted to keep this blog fresh... I don't want to feel like I don't have anything to write - but writing is something that I love to do and it allows me to express the way that I feel - nor do I want people to start feeling bored while reading it.

But what can I say today that hasn't been said before or sound that I am reaching? I really don't know...

There are so many things running through my head right now... running, school, an evaluation that I had at work, the princesses run on Sunday, the hubby's upcoming birthday on Monday, etc. Again... things that I have written about.

I guess I can go into my pockets and pull out something that I have never spoken about but what's the point of digging up the past? Nothing really... it's called the past for a reason. And the people that were in the past that caused me pain aren't in my life anymore, so why give them time on my blog if there aren't of any significance in my life. Right?

Things have been good this week... and there is no excuse on why I haven't been writing. There has been a lot to share but again, I didn't want to make it feel boring by writing everyday.

Christmas tree is up and looking quite beautiful.

Christmas Eve and Day will soon be upon us... and I can't wait to see the look on my little girls face when she opens up her presents.
We still need to take her to go and see Santa for her pictures... we didn't have the opportunity last year and I felt terrible about it. I really want to get her pictures this year. I want her to be able to look back onto her childhood with wonderful memories helped created by her parents. :-)

Thursday started VERY early for all of us...

I had a very early doctor's appointment - 6:30am - at the fertility doctor's office. I still haven't gotten my period and they are trying to figure out why it hasn't happened yet. So I had to go in for some blood work and another ultrasound. Now just playing the waiting game on what my next steps are going to be. 
But it just seems that the wish for another child is becoming dimmer... :-(

So after that... it was a full day of work and getting things done for the "man". LOL!!

After being picked up at the train by the hubby and then going to pick up the princess, who was with her grandmother (my mother-in-law), we went to Fleet Feet to pick up the princesses running packet... I am so excited for her!!!

Her t-shirt and bib #

OMG... it was just so exciting to be with the hubby and her to pick it up!
And while we were there, we looked at running shoes for me... and I am happy to report that I have my first official pair of running shoes. So exciting!
I am going to be hitting that ground with even more support than I ever thought possible. I cannot wait until I am able to run in them.

Then after we left the store, it was WAY too late to go home to try to cook so we ended up going to our favorite sushi restaurant for some much needed sushi fix. LOL!
It was so yummy!!! And the princess behaved so well while we ate our rolls... and the fact that she ate a whole bowl of white rice with chop sticks - that daddy fed to her - was even more precious!

Daddy feeding princess with chop sticks!

YUMMY, YUMMY sushi rolls!

We all got home with very full tummies and very tired!
After getting the princess into bed, this chick was exhausted but I wasn't going to go to bed without doing my 45 squats of the day - which was done with the hubby. Once that was done, I plopped myself onto the bed as well and went right to sleep. AHHH... it was great to get some rest.

Today's squat challenge will be 50 squats! And I can't wait to get home tonight in order to do it... but of course that will be after I get home from the holiday party that I am going to with the people at work. We will be headed over to Bar Louie on Dearborn Street with other people here in the office.

This weekend is going to be wonderful...
Tomorrow I will be spending it with my two loves and then that night I will be taking my first love out for his birthday with some friends. We will be going bowling and having a great time. :-)
Then on Sunday, it will be the day of the princess since we will be going to see her run her first "race" - the Donner Dash! Hopefully it won't be too cold so I don't have to overdress her because of the weather. But as the day gets closer, I am so excited for our little princess to participate in this race.
Hopefully she won't freak out and not want to finish the race... there is a finishers award at the end. :-)


On another subject...

This whole situation with me experiencing perimenopause and if you don't understand what that is, here is the definition, is really becoming a reality to me: 

Perimenopause generally begins as a woman’s body gradually stops producing the hormones estrogen and progesterone, typically around age 45, although it can happen at any age depending on the individual. During perimenopause, a woman may experience irregular periods, premenstrual symptoms, anxiety, depression, mood swings, fatigue, weight changes and increased cramping or problems with cycles.

I have been experiencing a wave of emotions lately... and something inside of me is gnawing at me for the past couple of weeks/month.
And with the phone call that I received from the fertility clinic this morning about my hormone level, didn't help my situation nor my frame of mind.

The nurse called me this morning and told me that my FSH or my Follicle-stimulating Hormone was too high, which was why I can't ovulate. She said that she wanted the number to be at or under 10 but she said that my number was closer to 20. 

When I went online to read what this FSH is, I was just so confused, hurt and enraged at the same time.
The information that I found says that: 
As a woman nears perimenopause, the number of small antral follicles recruited in each cycle diminishes and consequently insufficient Inhibin B is produced to fully lower FSH and the serum level of FSH begins to rise. Eventually the FSH level becomes so high that downregulation of FSH receptors occurs and by menopause any remaining small secondary follicles no longer have FSH receptors.

That's exactly where I am right now... I can't make any follicles on my own because this level is so high.
Now they want me to go on low-dose birth control pill so that I can bring that level down.

I thought that I was past all this hurt/rage towards what is happening to me... but when I continue to read that most women start to experience this in their early 40's, and I started in my early 30's... it just enrages me even more that I am going through this chapter of my life even earlier than I should be.

It's just not fair...!!!
Why me?
I wasn't done with birthing children...
My decrease in my sexual appetite - THERE! I finally admitted it! - is really taking a toll on me!
I don't want to feel like an 80 year old woman!!

I am not even close to closing the door to my life... I am only 35 years old!
I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and a vibrant 37 year old husband - they are both so full of life and I feel like I am sucking the life out of them because of the way that my hormones are treating me.

I just want to be a normal 35 year old woman... a woman full of energy... a woman full of sexual desire... a woman that is normal in the sense of any other 35 year old fertile woman.

I feel drained... I feel like a burden... I feel useless!

I don't want to feel like this anymore... I AM TIRED OF ALL THESE NEGATIVE FEELINGS!

There isn't a support group for someone like me...
My friends have NO clue what I am going through. They can still have children without resorting to medical assistance. They can still count on having their periods every month without fail.
And I know that I should not be angry about the natural things in life... nor should I be jealous about things that I don't have control over... but these things are starting to take a toll on my spirit.
And I am trying really hard not to let this journey that I am on be put into a negative downward spiral because the way that things are working in my mind but don't they go hand-in-hand because this is me we are talking about. 
My life...
My spirit...
My frame of mind...
My sense of womanliness... 

I am alone in this... no matter how many people surround me to make me feel worthy, to make me feel that this isn't the end of the world... I am alone.
And no matter how I look at it, there is no denying that this is the end... or soon to be the end... of my reproductive years. It was short lived and I am hoping and praying that before it is completely in full effect, I will have another bundle of joy to join my family.


I apologize this post is a little emotional... but it was ever harder for me to write it and I am sure that this won't be the first of many breakdowns that I will have as this journey gets further and further.

There might be a light at the end of the tunnel for one thing - my weight - but I am straining to see the flicker of that candle for this.

What a weekend!!!

It all started after work on Friday... My princess and my mom met me at the train station when I got home and we walked home. It was such a special walk home because the princess just didn't stop talking. She was just a little chatterbox the whole walk home. It was priceless!

Then the hubby picked us up and the three of us went out to dinner at Olive Garden. The hubby and I needed to carb up for the race and how not to do it then at an Italian restaurant, right? LOL!

After dinner we headed out and ran a few errands before finally getting home to get our things ready for the next morning. 
I finally got to bed around 11pm... with butterflies flapping their wings so hard that I thought that I was going to throw up! LOL! Thankfully I didn't.

6am Saturday morning comes around... and it was time to get everyone out of bed and ready to head out to Soldier Field for the 2012 Santa Hustle 5k!!!

The three of us and my mother got into my car and Joel drove us down to Soldier Field... the princess was wide awake in the car and enjoying the drive to the Field.

We get to the Field and park the car... and here we are after we got our gear on - while in the parking garage...

Our first 5K

So we bundled up the princess in her stroller and headed outside... can I tell you that I almost started crying while we in the car and I saw Soldier Field and all the people dressed exactly like us!! I was so nervous!

We get outside and the atmosphere was so energized! All my nervousness finally subsided - thankfully!!
There was an area where all the runners were meeting up with other runners and vendors giving out samples of things and of course the gear check. 
There were so many people running and so many other people coming to cheer them on... there was so much positive energy in the air and I was feeding right off of it 

The hubby and I took one last picture in front of the stadium and then walked around a bit before heading over to the corrals where everyone were gathered at to start the race.

Soldier Field in the background

So we get into the 10 1/2 minute mile corral and I was just amazed at how many people run these 5k's. I took a couple of pictures of all the people that were just waiting around to start the race ahead of us...
While waiting for our corral to reach the starting line, I heard of a couple of people that had already started it and finished. I couldn't believe that some people did 3.1 miles in like 15 minutes... but then again, I wouldn't mind getting to that pace. LOL!

All the "Santa" ahead of us...

And sometime after 9:00am... our time corral was finally able to get to the starting line and allowed to start the race.

OMG... the whole experience was so magical! I've never felt anything like this in my life. I tried my best to run the first mile but I ran half a mile and ended up power walking the 2nd half of the first mile. The whole race was the same thing... run/power walk/run... but my goal was to start and finish this race in about 45 minutes.

And when I thought that I couldn't do it anymore, Joel noticed it... he took me by the hand and led me along the way. He gave me the best pep talk ever!! I could never have asked for a better motivator than the way that he spoke to me on Saturday morning. And it was because of the words that he spoke to me, I was able to finish this short race. 
It might be a short race but it felt like I was never going to finish it... and I am so happy that I was able to run across that finish line. :-)

After the race, we took a couple more pictures with the princess... around the areas that had Christmas ornaments and we headed out to have lunch. All of us were STARVING! LOL! Running a race can surely bring on an appetite. LOL!

We went to a Puerto Rican restaurant by the house - with a friend of the hubby's that also ran the race for the first time - and had ourselves a wonderful meal. 

A steak jibarito with arroz con gandules! YUM!

 Once we finished lunch, we headed back home to get some stuff... and the hubby, princess and I headed out again. We didn't even change out of our running gear! LOL! We were going to flaunt the fact that we ran! LOL! 
I can tell you that people are nice to you when they see that you have just ran a race for charity. And we even saw a couple of runners with their shirts still on running their errands too.

We got home and just relaxed for the rest of the afternoon.
We ordered food from a chicken wing place that I didn't know delivered and we watched a movie while the little one took a nap.

And to celebrate the start of something wonderful for ourselves, we bought a bottle of wine and toasted to ourselves and the accomplishments that are awaiting us.

A bottle for us!

Since we had been up early, we ended up calling it an early night after watching television for a while.

Sunday was another fun filled day for all.
I went to the jewelry show in Schaumburg with my mom, Maria and Blanca.
Got a lot of nice deals on things and even got a mother/daughter set of knitted hats for the princess and I.

Picture of our hats

Looking forward to the cool days/nights that the both of us will be able to wear them. :-)

After finishing up the shopping at the convention center and having a late lunch, we headed home.
I dropped off Maria at home and I took Blanca home with my mom and I.

The hubby was with the princess all day and they were changing the oil on his car.

He started pasteles for us and I finished it up with some white rice and some beans.
After dinner we had coffee and cheesecake.

Blanca's husband came over and we all chatted for a while... it was a great way to end the weekend: dinner with family. My parents, the princess, the hubby, Blanca and Gino.

The princess stayed with my parents, after giving her a bath, and the hubby and I went downstairs to get me ready for work since he is off this week.

And the start of the week has been great... just got off the phone with the hubby and he'll be making dinner for us. So looking forward to eating since I didn't get a chance to eat my lunch.

Wishing you a wonderful evening!
Hasta la proxima!