Looking into the mirror

Yes... we look in the mirror while brushing our teeth or brushing our hair or doing our make-up, but do we really look at the person that is staring back at us? I know that I don't... I don't want to see the woman that I turned into.

The woman that doesn't see the damage that she has caused to her family for so long... the woman that has caused so much damage to herself... the woman that has caused my self-esteem and self-image go down the toilet.

Do I really need to look in the mirror, I ask myself.
And the answer to that one question is YES.

Do you want to continue to see your family hurting because of the way that you acting?
Do you want to continue seeing the hurt that you are causing to yourself? The way that you don't want to look at yourself anymore... the way that you don't see that smile that you used to have plastered on you face, the way you used to laugh with all your might?

Look in the mirror... still not convinced?

Are friends confronting you about the way that you look uncomfortable around them? But they see that you need this intervention, out of the love they have for you and the person that they know is still there waiting to come out.

Look in the mirror... open your eyes?

Is the relationship with your mom killing you softly inside because of all the complaints, the talk downs, the reminders of all the mistakes that you've made and according to her, you continue to make?
You know that she loves you, but the relationship has become toxic.

Look in the mirror... take the hands off your face.

What's holding you back from achieving your goals?
What are you afraid of?
You have the support system all along... are you afraid of growing? No need to be afraid any longer... this is something that you have always wanted and craved. Take the bull by the horn and do what you have to do.

Look in the mirror...

Recognize that woman staring back at you... that's me.
Hello again... finally nice to meet you.

Mend yourself... then things will fall into place

SLACKER!!!

LOL!!!

Okay... so a lot has been going on this month and it's only the 13th day of January.
But I shouldn't be slacking on my blog... this is something that I started and something that I should be keeping up. No excuses!

I had a break-through this past weekend... like I said, a lot has been going on but God sent me three angels with the names of Nayda, Diley and Yadira to help me through this.
My #1 angel is Joel... my husband... but those three sat me down and told me that I am not the person that they know, and they are right.

They notice that I don't smile as much.
They notice that I don't laugh as much.
They notice that I am not the person that they know.

This is affecting my life... it's affecting my marriage... my relationship with my hubby and my daughter... it's affecting my state of mind... it's affecting my health.

Something inside of me has snapped... 
It started back in September of 2014 when I felt something inside of me that just wasn't right... so I started to take my health a little more serious than I usually do because if I didn't, I know that I was going to have to look for a - and please forgive straight to the point message of this - cemetery plot for myself.

And every month after that, I have tried my best to focus on something that will change my life around.
But it wasn't until this past Friday - the 9th of January - that I broke down... I was seriously sitting at my dining room table, as a broken person. Facing these three angels, telling me that they noticed that I am not myself, and that they know that something is going on with me.

I closed my eyes for a moment and the tears just came down... I thought that they wouldn't stop.
I closed my eyes and saw that my family had moved on without me... because I didn't care about myself, because I didn't care about them.
I was going to lose my life to my negative thoughts... I was going to lose my life to my depression... I was going to lose my life to my lack of determination... I was just going to lose my life in general if I didn't do something about it.

And doing something about it is what I am doing... to get back my smile, to get back my spark, to get back my laugh - to get back my life!

I will no longer be the one destroying my life, cause that's what I was doing to my life - destroying it. I can't blame anyone but myself for not reaching out... for help, for assistance, for not seeing the help all along but I was just too proud or even stubborn to put my hand in theirs for help.
No more... I am not a superwoman in real life. Everyone needs help here and there... and asking for help is not a sign of being weak. Not asking for help, when you clearly need it, is a sign of not being grateful for the wonderful people that you have around you.

So with that, I will leave you with a poem that I came across this morning, that a friend left for another friend... sometimes you have to "mend your life" because you are able to move forward.
Focus on yourself... cause if you can't help yourself, how can you truly help others.

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Don't lose hope

Have you ever thought that all that you love was just slipping through your fingers? That you were about to lose it if you don't work harder than you ever done before?

Well, it is about to happen to me if I don't do something  about it.
I won't share what it is at this moment cause I've been given a chance of a lifetime to change it all around... for my sanity and for my future.

I am going to fight tooth and nail for nothing terrible to happen. I am going to pray harder than I have ever prayed in my life for the strength to move ahead and for the right direction for me and my family.

Good night!

Have you ever just...

Wanted something so bad... that you've waited years and years to do it... that just the thought of it, makes you cry because you know that you can do it, but there is always something holding you back?

I actually have two of those...

1. To lose the extra weight that I am carrying
2. To run... just run without stopping; run without feeling pain in my joints. To run!

Yup... losing weight. Just about everyone has that in their goals... to get rid of the extra weight that they carry. No one wants to be overweight. No one wants to be considered obese.

I want to be at a healthy weight... and of course I am working on getting there. Nothing this year is going to stop me from getting there.

But it's the second one that tears at my heart... the ability to be able run without any problems.

I know that once the weight has come off, I will be able to work harder on my endurance of running - because it's not about the speed. I want to be able to run a half marathon this year. 

I am shooting for September of this year to run the Women Rock Chicago Half Marathon.

I hope and pray that I am able to achieve these goals this year, as I have been wanting these two things for as long as I can remember.

I plan on working harder than ever before to achieve these two major goals in my life.

NSV #1

NSV (Non-scale victory): today I went to a party with my mother... And I was dressed in jeans but I knew that everyone there was going to be super dressed up. I originally was just going to stay in my jeans because I felt comfortable but I didn't want to stand out.

So I asked my mother if she happened to have something I can borrow... Knowing damn well that nothing she had is going to fit me because she is 5'1" and I'm 5'6".

She came out of her closet with a few skirts... One of them caught my eye... A purple, stretchy skirt in a size 8/10... I'm a size 14/16 on a daily basis.

But I decided to try it on and can you believe that it fit... And it fit wonderfully!!!

I'm sure that it was because of the material but I felt fabulous in it either way and it didn't bother me at all, especially on the waist where I usually have problems.

I cannot wait to see what size I'm in in a few months...

This size is something that I haven't been seen in over 13 years. It made me tear up a bit, but in a good way. Something inside let me know that getting back to this size is surely possible for me.

Happy New Year!

Here is my 1st of the year picture. Amazing how much work I need to do to get into shape. 💯% dedicated to getting this done for myself.
I weighed myself on Monday at the gym and I'm at 227 and I'm 5'6" and I wear between a 14/16 in clothes depending on the cut off the clothes... I would really like to be between 165-175. So that's a loss of 52-62 pounds... I did 10 pounds in one month, so I would really like to get this weight off by my anniversary in May. Or at least in 6/7 months from today.

Good luck to us all this year in attaining our goals.
Much love to all!

🌟。♥。😉。🍀
。🎁 。🎉。🌟
✨。＼｜／。🌺
Happy New Year!
💜。／｜＼。💎
。☀。 🌹。🌙。
🌟。 😍。 🎶