Happy New Years Eve

Relaxing at home... In our home.
We had a dinner of fried shrimp and potato gnocchi.
Watching television with the hubby while the princess is playing with her toys.

It's so quiet in our home for such a "huge" holiday. LOL!

But I'm okay with that.

I can say that my house isn't completely clean but all my laundry is done. LOL! The kitchen is clean, the dishes are all done.
I seriously don't know what to do with myself right now. Eh... I guess I'll just sit here until the new year comes through.

So I'll end this year with my 200th blog under my belt... and praying to be able to make strides with my blog next year.

Thank you for reading... stay tuned for more interesting topics.
Happy New Year to you and yours! XOXO

Happy New Years Eve... Part 1

So today is the day... the day that we bid farewell to 2014 to be able to receive 2015 - the New Year - with open arms, hearts and mind.

I cannot wait to see what the universe has in store for me next year... 

All cultures celebrate the new year... this is the moment to move on, let go and leave it all behind to start anew.

This is the moment to be grateful for the good, the bad and the ugly. This is the moment for all things in 2014 to come to an end, and to learn from those moments that were good and those moments that were not so cool.

Thank you to all those that have been part of 2014, 2013, or any other year...

Those are my wishes for 2015... best wishes and much love!



**Part 2 later on tonight... #200 of the year! ;-)

3 posts left to do

And OMG I'm exhausted tonight.

I made it to the gym with the hubby and princess tonight.
She headed to the computer lab and us to the fitness area. While working out on the elliptical, we were asked if we were interested in checking out a class.

Usually I'm bothered by these types of interruptions but today, I didn't mind.
It was a strength class and OMG, did we get our butts kicked. But it was awesome! I loved it! Wish that we can afford to take the class,  since it's an extra charge of $125 for an 8 week session but unfortunately, we cannot do it right now but it was nice to have a taste of it.

This class would be perfect to be able to lose weight with.

So now it's time for me to go to sleep since I work in the morning.

Just two more entries to go.
Good night and thanks for reading.

4 posts... 2 days

I can't believe that I am almost all caught up with my posts and today I just have to post one more time.

This post will officially be post #198... and tomorrow, the last day of the year, I will have officially have posted 200 posts.
So excited that I will have completed what I set out to do... 200 posts for the year.

What will be more impressive would be when my blog has over 1,000 posts... that's where I am headed. I know that it will take me a while to get there, but I will.


I just came across an article called, How to be authentic and find true friends in a competitive world.

WOW... this article hit me like a ton of bricks.
There were a couple of things in the article that really hit home.
Am I trying to compete with others in regards to friendship?
Am I trying to one up others without even realizing it?

How has it come down to this?

I guess you can say that I have been in my own bubble when it comes to friendship.
I feel left out a lot... in more ways than one.
I've never had those friends that would just call me to see how I was doing... even though I do it.
I've never had those friends that would call to see if I wanted to go out to dinner... I would love to do that.

I've just admitted to my hubby that I don't like speaking around a lot of people because growing up, I was always interrupted when I speak and I still do. So I've always felt that what I have to say isn't important because I'm always getting shut down when I try to talk.
It's hurtful to feel as though what you have to say isn't as important as whatever anyone else has to say.

When someone tells you something about, for example, losing something... and you suggest that they check somewhere... and it isn't until someone else brings up the same suggestion, that they finally "hear" what I said.

Or when someone is looking for a suggestion on something, like a restaurant or something, and you give it... but they don't "hear" it until someone else repeats the same thing that I said.

Or when just in conversation with people, no one "hears" what you are saying... no matter how many times you speak up. But God-forbid you say something about being interrupted and they act as though you've just hurt THEIR feelings by making that comment.
Excuse me... how many times have you interrupted me while I was trying to say something.

I guess I've been using social media to cover up how I feel about things.
No one can interrupt what I am trying to "say" because they won't see it until I have posted it.

Yes... I'm an adult and I shouldn't be so petty about this. But how would you feel that your whole life, you haven't been able to express yourself because you have always been drowned out by others voices, by others lack of respect while you are speaking, or just plain ignored while expressing yourself? You wouldn't like, no? Well, this has been the story of my life.

I try to fit in and not even say anything but then I am seen as not being part of the group.
I try to fit in... but I don't have the same experiences as everyone else, so I am not allowed to express my feelings about a subject.
So I just sit back... look like a flower on the wall. 

I am trying to sit here and whine about the way that I am treated... just pointing things out.
I don't like it... but I guess I'm so done with it, that I don't know what to do about it anymore.

I'm really hoping that this upcoming new year is a life-changer for me... I have so many things that I want to accomplish and so many things that I need to change about myself.

My goals for next year...

Yes... everyone put together their New Years Resolutions...
Not me... I usually put together a list of things that I want to accomplish for the new year...
Unfortunately, I didn't do one for 2014... which was a bummer because when I put one together for 2013, I accomplished just about every single thing.

I put together a list of things considering with the age that I am about to turn in the new year. Thankfully, my birthday is towards the end of the year because I give myself until then to have accomplished at least more than half of the goals that I write down.

And in 2015, I will be turning 38... only 2 more years until 40! :-D

So below are the goals that I have set forth for myself, in no particular order:

1. Lose 50 pounds by my birthday
2. Complete at least 4 5ks/7ks/10ks/Half Marathons/Marathon (real or virtual)
3. Be able to run a 12 minute mile
4. Help the hubby with the construction of our bedroom in the house
5. Get the backyard finished before summer begins
6. Get in as many miles ran as possible 
7. Keep up with my hair appointments 
8. Making time for myself
9. One-on-one time with my princess
10. More dates with the hubby/show him how much I appreciate him
11. Try out 12 new restaurants 
12. Work out no less than 20 times a month
13. Blog at least 20 times a month
14. Once a month gatherings of me and the girls
15. Eat healthier... with a cheat meal here and there
16. Keep water intake at where 120 ounces a day
17. Cut down on soda intake
18. Work on becoming a better person
19. Keep the drama/negativity to a minimum
20. Keep positive about situations, no matter what they might be
21. Read 6 to 12 new books
22. Minimum of 10,000 steps a day...
23. Get face washing routine to a daily thing
24. Get moisturizing routine to a daily thing
25. Get better at applying make-up
26. Manicures 2 times a month
27. Pedicures once a month
28. Fix credit/pay down credit cards
29. Change attitude about life, things around me, etc
30. No more fighting/arguing
31. Learn to crochet
32. Try skiing
33. Work on fixing my garden sanctuary
34. Work on better cleaning routine for the house
35. Spend one hour a day during the week teaching the princess the fundamentals for school
36. See at least 4 concerts
37. Work on muscle building with free weights/finally work on my abs
38. Go on at least one vacation

And believe that I could have added more onto this list, but I thought that 38 items was enough for next year. LOL! 

I'm also proud to say that we finally got back to the gym today. We took it slow since it's been a while since we've gone but building up to what our workouts were once before. 

Looking forward to getting back into our routine at the gym. 

2015 is going to be an awesome year, just like 2014 was. So many wonderful things happened this year. And I'm blessed to have experienced all that I did this year. 

It has made me a better person... A stronger person... and I will take that into this new year so I can become an even better person. 

4 blogs... 3 days left

I'm in the home stretch... only 4 more blogs to go and I have hit my goal of 200 blogs to end this year. It looks like I will only have to do one post on New Years Eve. SWEET!

I have been thinking about what to write, and I can't believe that I have ideas already popping up in my mind. So happy about that... 
The reason that this blog is so behind is because I stopped having ideas on what to write. But now... I have ideas coming from all sorts of places! 

I am blessed to have the mind that allows me to think about my life and the ability to write it down for all to read.
I am super blessed to have people that I know and people that I don't know reading this... It frightens me at times that I am putting this out there, but I might be helping someone with a situation that they don't know how to handle or given them an idea on what to do about something. 
No matter what, as much as I can in 2015, I will be blogging more about my life and all the wonderful things that are happening.

So back to my blog from last night about my daughter and the guilt of being a working mother.

After writing that post, I couldn't sleep.
Seeing the look on my little girls face just kept me up... I kept seeing her tears, hearing her words - telling me not to go into work. To stay with her always.
It was like a knife in my heart. Something that I didn't believe that I would experience yet since she is only 4 years old.

Getting ready for work this morning was even harder than usual.
I kept going into her room to look in on her... to make sure that the blanket was on her. To make sure that she was comfortable. To be honest, I think that I checked in on her like 4 times before leaving the house. It was just a hard morning... very hard!

I know that she and I should be used to this song and dance of not being with each other during the day, but knowing that I have been with her since last week, I guess we both got used to be around each other from waking moment to going to bed.

This feeling shall pass and she will be back to her normal self once school kicks back up. But for now, I will take those feelings from her... and hold onto them as long as I can.
Cause I know that someday, she will leave the nest... and she will no longer be my little baby.

Working mother's guilt

I love my daughter.
Please know that for sure.
Nothing will ever change that.
I would spend every waking moment with her, if it was possible.

And this evening, I got the working mom's guilt trip.

I was getting my daughter ready for bed, after her shower, and she just lost it.
She asks me what we were going to do tomorrow. I told her that I needed to go to work.
Well, I've been with her since last Tuesday because of the holiday so she got used to me being around.
She told me that I can't go to work. That I needed to stay at home with her, since she's not in school herself.
The tears just wouldn't stop. I thought that she was playing at first, but then I realized that she was actually crying because she was hurt that I wasn't going to be with her tomorrow.
Mind you, she will be with her father tomorrow but she just didn't want to hear that.

I understand that since she's off of school, she wants me to be with her... so I ask her what happens to me when she goes to school. She told me that I'm supposed to take her and pick her up from school.

How was I supposed to react to my little girl crying about me going to work and not being with her?
It was so hard to calm her down. To let get know that I will be back right after work to be with her. That she'll be with her daddy while I go to work. No... she said that I need to stay with her.

I would love to stay home with her.
I was lucky enough to have my mom at home, growing up. But unfortunately, things aren't the same as they were 30+ years ago. You were able to move ahead with just one person in the house working. But now? Nope! You need the two incomes to get ahead.

Hopefully one day I will be able to stay home and be the stay at home mom that my daughter wants me to be... to be able to take her and pick her up from school. To be that mom that is there for every single thing at school.

But for now, I will take any and all time that I can with her.
Helping her brush her teeth correctly.
Reading to her at night - or any time of the day - right before she goes to sleep.
Play with her and her new doll house.
Watch her dance to all the pop music videos that her little heart desires.
Watch her sing along - in her own way - to all the songs she loves.
And everything and anything she wants to do.
I love my little girl so much.
I'm so blessed to have this little girl in my life.

6 posts... 4 days

So last night was a much needed night out with the hubby and princess. We headed out to my cousins house and boy was it a great night.

Not only were my cousin and her hubby home, my best friend from high school was there and later that night my other cousin showed up.

We ate, drank and played games. I've never had a game night before... we played Monopoly until almost 3am!! LOL!  And I can't believe that I was almost one of the last players standing... dang castle on 101 Dalmatians!  LOL! But it was a fabulous night!

We were all able to sleep in until 9:30 - for the princess and myself - and the hubby until 11:30am. WOW!

Then it was an afternoon of sitting on the couch watching the princess sing and dance to her favorite songs. Doing laundry and watching a little television too. :-)

We are now running errands. So my apologies since this post should have been done earlier. Blah! I'll have to stay up and do another post to get some stuff off my mind.
I need to get these posts done... no matter what!

Enjoy your evening... I know that I am!

Am I being petty?

Probably am... just that I've been one of those people that has been part of the "cool" group or the "party" group.

I've always been the one on my own.

Have you ever felt alone even though you might be in a room full of people? You know that every person in that room loves or cares about you but you still feel alone.

That's me... alone in a room full of people.

Left out of conversation.
Left out in the cold to hang out.
Left out when trying to fit in.

I've never really fit in and I've never really known why.
I guess that's the way that my life has always been.

Try to keep in touch with people to only have it a one sided relationship.
Try to reach out to only be pushed to the side.

You can only ignore the feeling of being alone in a room full of people for so long, until it just becomes a reality.

8 posts... 4 days

Okay... There is no other way to do this but for the next four days, I MUST do two posts a day. LOL!
I must get to 200 blog posts!

So last night was a blast!
Had a date night with the hubs and went to a comedy show with him. Thanks to my boss who bought the tickets and invited us out and thanks to my mom who took care of the princess,  the hubby and I had a fantastic time!

After the comedy show, there was a housemusic and old school salsa concert.
We bumped into some dear friends and spent the rest of the night with them, listening to the music and just chatting.

Since the hubby had to work today, we called it a night a sometime after midnight.

It was a great way to end this holiday week...

Can't wait to see what's in the books for tonight with my two loves!

Going to get ready to see the princess now. And another post will be up today!

9 blogs left

Until 200 blogs posts... can I make it with just 5 days left in the year?!
I'm really hoping that I can.
This is something that I really need to accomplish for myself.

So let me get you up to date with what's going on the last couple of days.

Christmas Eve was very quiet in our house. We had some yummy pernil, arroz con gandules and some potato salad.  We watched some Christmas movies and just sat around the couch.
Then it was time to have the princess to go to bed. Santa was coming soon and I was exhausted.

Christmas morning was awesome!

After opening presents, we put a french toast bake together on Christmas Eve to have on Christmas morning, I put it in the oven. And waited for my family to come over to have brunch.

With my cousin, her hubby and my other cousin (her sister), my mom, my hubby and daughter all together... we had such a great morning of food.

After eating a great breakfast, we all hung out and watched movies. Drinks... movies... and snacks were flowing all day.

It was one of the best Christmas days on the books so far.

Cannot wait to see what the rest of weekend has in store.

Christmas Eve's Eve Part 2

Well... I finally saw the sun today. I was so happy.

And after chatting with the hubby about the way that I was feeling... He dedicated a song from my favorite singer, Michael Buble, called Close Your Eyes.
OMG... can I say that I cried my eyes out just listening to that song?!?! What a powerful message. If you have a moment, check it out. Or check out any of his songs... you'll be hooked on his voice alone, and he's not bad to look at either. LOL!!

One of his songs was even our wedding song... I've loved his voice for over 10 years!

I'm even watching his only movie, Totally Blonde, with the princess... After seasoning the pernil for tomorrow's dinner.

So I'll leave this entry for now...
Have a great night... I know I will!

Christmas Eve Eve

So much still to do and not enough time to do it all. But I can't stress about it.
I'm only human and can get done what can be done.

Three weeks since the sight of a little bit if sun... and I finally have figured out why I've been feeling so super emotional. All I want to do is run to my bed and cry. Cry until I can't cry no more.
This lack of sun is really draining me.
This lack of sun is not allowing me to enjoy the holidays.
This lack of sun is sucking away my life.

I want to be over-the-top happy about Christmas being 2 days away but my mind won't let me.

I'm trying my best to stay positive. To look for the sun in any situation that I can.

Seeing the faces of those I love really helps me but sometimes I feel with feeling this way,  I am weighing them down. Being a burden to them.
I don't them to feel like they need to "entertain" me... or even listen to my whining. That's not what they are there for. And they have their own problems,  their own issues... they don't need to take on my problems or issues too.

And I know this is affecting me big time.
I had a terrible nightmare earlier this morning.
There were three of us... myself, the hubby and someone else.
We were kidnapped. The other person was tied up with weights on their legs and thrown into a pool while I watched them try to save their life.
The people who kidnapped us.. well, tried to rape me while my hubby was tied up, unable to help me.
I woke up kicking and crying. It felt so real.

I felt helpless... exactly how I am feeling in real life.
With this dream, I now know that I need to do something about the way that I am feeling.
I don't like to feel helpless... I need to turn this all around.

I need to do this for me.
I need to do this for my sanity.
I need to turn this all around before it consumes me.

Where are you sun?!?!?

Dang it!!! LOL!!

I missed two days of blogging... that means that for the next 9 days, I have to make up for 11 posts. And I will do it! LOL!
I swear that I didn't even notice that I didn't post... in my head, I swore that I did. LOL!
I guess I should get my head checked out. LOL!

I've had a fabulous weekend...
I've never been to an ugly sweater party and we did for the first time on Saturday. It was a great time... I drank a little too much but no matters, I had a hilariously good time and didn't have to drive home the whole way. Thankfully I stopped drinking hours before leaving... if I hadn't, I think I would have woken up on Sunday really bad.

Then yesterday, we took a group to the zoo to see the holiday lights. It was so nice... something that I hope to be able to do every year. The weather wasn't all that bad to be walking outside at the zoo, but since a lot of us are getting over colds/flu... it was just too cold. :(
But we did get to see some ice craving and some children performing... and we did see the monkey's and underwater animals.
The princess got on the carousel... and she loved it, even though her little face was getting cold. LOL! She doesn't care about the cold, she was just happy being outside.

Now it's the week of Christmas... I haven't gotten all my shopping done but it is what it is.
We are working with what we got and only bought for the princess and our mom's.
If people don't like what little we got them, then *raspberries* to them... not all of us are millionaires! LOL! I give what I can afford to give.

Christmas to me is about spending time with those you love... and giving of yourself.
But now-in-days... it's all about the presents and who can outdo each other in that sense. So tacky!
Whatever... I can't let this feeling overcome me. I need to keep the real reason of the season in my heart and not worry about the material aspect that the holiday has become.

Too bad that I don't have the same amount of vacation that I had last year... not having to come into work this week would have been ideal. But it is what it is... at least I don't have to work a full day on Christmas Eve. LMAO!

Well, since I have to write two posts.. I will leave this one here.

I'm really hoping to make it to the gym today and tomorrow... I am finally feeling better and hoping that I don't miss out. This week and next week are my precursor to the next 12 months.

It's ladies night

It's Friday night and I'm here sitting at a pool table, surrounded by other ladies, celebrating a friends birthday.

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, again, so I'll be having to post twice during one day.

Yesterday was a bad day... I don't remember what I did at work, then it was a nutty night at home - laundry, showers, sleep!

Then today was the same thing... except that instead of laundry - which I still did today -but after work, it was a dental appointment for the little princess, then home to cook dinner and get ready for tonight.

And time for food and drinks with the four other ladies!

Have a wonderful evening!
Until tomorrow!

2nd post of the day

So I didn't think that I was going to be able to make it 200 posts since I missed a day and in order to make up the day, I would need to post twice so.... here's the second post because the rest of my day didn't go all that great. LOL!

Knowing that I've been feeling better, why did my body decide on day 5 of my sickness to.... make me lose my voice?!?!?! Ugh!! Just terrible, I tells ya!

I go about the rest of my day at work, with no voice and no appetite.  Problem #2 of my day... no appetite nor wanting to even look at food. But of course knowing that one cannot live on water alone, I force myself to eat at least a LITTLE of my lunch.

I get out of work and thankfully, my mom and daughter pick me up at the train station. So happy about that!

As I am getting my daughter ready to leave, I turn on my car with the remote starter... love it! We wait a few minutes and head out into the cold and into a warm car.
I put my stuff into the front passenger seat and throw my keys - which I normally do - onto the drivers seat. Close the door so that I can open the rear passenger door to put the little monkey into her car seat, and surprise, surprise... problem #3... I had locked the door with my remote and now I can't get into the car.

Now, I have to call my husband - with the little bit of voice that I do have - and ask him to meet me at my mom's with the spare keys so that I can get into my car.

So we finally get home... problem #4... I'm constipated. Ugh!!! I know... I know... TMI, but you know so much about me already, this isn't such a big deal.

So my problems this evening have just doubled in size...
No appetite.
No voice.
No way to use the bathroom.
And a sink full of dishes.

And here you are folks... the reason behind my 2nd post of the day.

I pray that tomorrow is better than today.

But good news is that Christmas Eve is just 7 days away...
And I'm only 13 posts away from 200... LOL!!

Until tomorrow! ♡ ♡ ♡

I lost it all...

Not physically... not emotionally... not mentally. 
But I lost it all... the dream of having another child.

The money that we need to get the donor egg seems further and further away.
As hours turn into days... as days turn into weeks... as weeks turn into months... and the months have turned into years (2.5 years to be exact), we have struggled to see how we can come up with the $12,000 that we need, but even after doing what we thought we can do and even putting out the call to have people help us, we are still short.

But as I sit here writing this... the dream keeps slipping through my fingers. 
I can't keep holding onto a future that is uncertain.
I have a wonderful family in front of me that I am so blessed to have already.
I can't be greedy... I need to be grateful for what I do have.

Believe me... I am beyond grateful for the wonderful husband that I married, and the just gorgeous child that we were blessed with.

Is it fair that this happened to me? The fact that my body decided on it's own to stop my ovulating right after I had my beautiful little girl.

Is it fair to my husband? That his dream to expand his family is now stopped because of my body's decision.

Is it fair to my darling little girl? That she tells me just about every night that she doesn't have a brother or sister... because she sees it on television.

NO! It isn't fair... what my body has caused to not just the three of us, but to both of our mothers who thought that they were going to get more grandchildren from their own children. To my father who adores his only granddaughter and looks at me with sad eyes knowing his only daughter is no longer able to have children.

Okay... I just can't write anymore... 
I'm torn inside... the tears are just running down my face and I can't see through them any longer.

Ah-ha

So I should have been at work today because I was having my evaluation today, right?

Well, it was another terrible night and I'm still not feeling 100%...so I'm at home. But I'm not alone... the hubby is home with me, again, with a bad sore throat and hopefully not also getting sick.

Today just might be the day that I finally get better... and have my two posts to make up for the one I missed on Saturday.

Sick Monday

So I wasn't able to make it into work today.
It has been a very rough weekend for me.

I haven't been this suck in ages.
Ear ache, headache, body aches, coughing, sore throat and sleepless nights.... gosh, it's been bad.
I've been laying on the couch since yesterday. I force myself to eat because I really don't want to eat.

Thankfully I've had the little princess as my companion, until she had to go to school today. It's nice to have her cuddle up to me.

I'm really hoping that I get some much needed rest since I need to get to work tomorrow, I'm finally getting my work evaluation after being there over 2 years. Don't think that it's going to make a difference in my pay, so we shall see what my boss has to say about my work.

Ugh, I want to get better already.
This month has been bad about me getting to the gym. I want to get back already.
I know that I shouldn't get get too down on myself about not getting to the gym, but I need to get back soon.

Wishing you all a good night!
Looking forward to the upcoming Christmas holiday next week.

Sunday afternoon

Oh no! I missed a day... so I'll have to post twice in one day. Lol!

That's okay... missing yesterday was totally worth it.

I was able to pull off a surprise party for my hubby. Something that I've been wanting to do for him and it being his 40th birthday, it was the perfect opportunity to do so.

Even though I was as sick as a dog, I did everything possible to make this party happen.  No little cold... no fever... was going to stop me from doing what I had to do for my hubby.

The food was done (spiral ham and roasted chicken made by me; rice made by my mom; potato salad made by my awesome friend Lisa)... the cupcakes were cooling on the counter, I decided to take a quick nap. It was only 10 minutes but those 10 minutes really made a difference to the way that I was feeling.

When my mom arrived back with the little one from the party that they went to, it was now time to finish up all the other details for the party, like getting ready and finishing up the food and decorating the cupcakes.

Now... it was the long wait for the birthday boy to arrive.
And when he arrived, boy was he surprised!  Mission accomplished!

It was time to sit back - not literally - and watch him enjoy his night. And enjoy his night he did. He even fell asleep before everyone left, which was the cutest thing ever. LOL!

Well, since I didn't get to sleep all that great last night because of this dang cough that I have, and the fever that was waking me up... today was about trying to get better. I've already had one nap on the couch and my little one - who is also sick - has had two of them, I even think that she's going for a 3rd nap!

The hubby has taken care of his two girls, as he so loving calls us - by making homemade chicken soup. It was so yummy!

Now I'm back on the couch hoping that the soup will do it's job, while the hubby headed out to the store to get some medicine for the little one.

So ending this post here, as the little one is asking me to rub her face.
Maybe I'll be able to sneak in my second post tonight. LOL

Friday night

So this has been a long day for all of us.

The hubby started work at 3am this morning.

I started at my usual time of 8am.

But it was after work that it started.
Decided last night to bring the princess downtown to see the lights and tree at Daley Plaza at Christkindlmarket. The yearly gathering at Daley Plaza that people are able to sell authentic German Christmas things, and where we can get hot chocolate in a cute little mug.

It was the perfect night to walk downtown and just check out the cute stuff.

But what ended our night was being able to ride the holiday train.
With Santa and his reindeer on the train, his elves on the train and Christmas music playing while you ride, it was such a great way to end the work week.

When we finally got off the train, we got some dinner.

I'm so happy that my mom, princess and hubby had a great night.
I'm also happy that I'm finally home because I'm feeling like crap. And knowing that I need to clean up the house, I'm going to get some much needed rest tonight.

So until tomorrow!

Thursday night

Okay, so I was approached by a company for an interview next week.
Yikes! It's a two hour interview... I'm hoping that I'll be able to make it.
It will be the same day of my evaluation at work, could that be a sign? I don't know but it could be.

Things have just continued to go from bad to worse at work. People are walking around on egg shells because we aren't allowed to even talk to other people around the office.
Where are we... at work or in a prison? Damn, even in a prison,  the prisoners are allowed to hang out with each other; they get three square meals a day; and even get an hour a day of outdoor time. Ugh!

I continue to pray that things can get better for my job search... and our financial situation improves. LOL!

So... what else is going on?
I'm getting even more excited for the holidays. Putting together the menu for Christmas Eve with my mom. Also since I work that day (bummer!), since debating on whether or not I will take the day off. :-/

Well, it's been a slow day in my life, so I'll end this post here.
Have a fabulous night!

Happy 40th birthday to my hubby!!

It's been such a great day today.

It is the day that my wonderful husband was born... 40 years ago.
I am so proud of the man that I have married and who has become our daughters first love.

Even though I had a crappy day at work, it was all worth it to see a smile on my hubbys face when he received his gifts from his baby girl, my mom and me.

I know that he really doesn't like celebrating his birthday... he doesn't even like the holidays.
But he told me that because of the princess and I, he actually enjoys this time of year again.
And I really hope that he enjoyed his birthday today.

On another note, I'm still searching for a better job.
I'm unsure if I should have an agency help me. I've never really had a good experience with agencies.
All the jobs that I've ever had in my life, have been done by myself. Even though, in the past I have gone and met with agencies before, nothing has ever panned out.
I have been on interviews with agencies before, but of course, none of those ever amounted to anything.

I am leaving it all in the hands of God.
I will continue to apply for jobs and see where it leads me.

Looking forward to the days ahead of me.
Especially spending 40 years with the man I call my husband/best friend/father of my child.

Until tomorrow! ♡♡♡

Another Day in Paradise

So of course at work it wasn't.
I really need a job that is going to challenge me. A job that is going to give me the responsibility that I crave. A job that I will finally be happy at.
Hopefully sometime in the near future, I will finally be at that place in my life.

On the eve of my husband's 40th birthday, I am so excited to be spending another year with him. Giving him another year of happiness... giving him another year of joy... giving him another year full of love.
I cannot wait to be able to spend another 40 years with him!

I am happy to say that not only did we put up the tree yesterday, but we decorated it today.

I am so excited about the upcoming holiday season especially since we will be having Christmas Eve in our home.
We weren't able to have it in the house last year, since we had just moved into the house but thankfully we are so much further ahead in the house than last year.

Well, don't want to bore you... so I'll leave this post here.

Until tomorrow...

200 posts or bust!

Okay... so I currently have 177 published posts on here.
I have been trying to get to 200 posts for almost a year now... I don't know why I have been dragging on doing it. It's only 23 days of posting something on here... putting my feelings on "paper". 

So my goal for this month... 23 posts to get to my 200 posts for the year 2014.
There shouldn't be anything that I can't do, if I put my mind to it, right?

It's not like I can't do it for goodness sake... I have the Blogger app on my phone. LOL! And I even have a reminder on my phone to do it every night. So, I am putting it out there into the universe that I will complete this challenge that I have set forth for myself.

Can I be completely honest?
I am sitting at my desk, in front of the computer... just staring off into space. 
We have the desk computer in the basement of our home, and as I thought that I was safe for a little while away from the princess, she has come downstairs to talk my ear off.
I thought that I was going to be able to write a whole post about something important, besides the goal of hitting 200 posts, but all I hear is my daughter talking about needing to do my homework and her jumping on my chair.
I had the radio on in the background, pretty low, and she loves music so she heard the music and asked me to up the volume up.
I work full-time away from home, so spending time with her very important to me... but I just wanted at least 30 minutes alone so that I can write on here.

So even though I am writing, she is so sweet... calling me sweet pea and telling me that I need to eat my soup. LOL!!

And now the hubby came down to tell me that dinner is ready... so I guess I will leave this post the way that it is. LOL!!

My life is hectic, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Much love... and until tomorrow.

First week of December

Seriously, I don't know how many times I opened this up this week in order to start blogging and never started it. I even have it on my calendar as a reminder to blog every day... but this week really went down the toilet in that aspect! LOL!

This week, my little princess got sick... not just s cold but full on sick, as in pneumonia. My poor little girl. She's been a trooper since she was diagnosed with it on Wednesday morning at the doctors office - which by the way, she didn't want to go to. But she's been good in drinking her medication and getting the rest that she so desperately needs. She hasn't been out of the house since we got back from the doctor's office on Wednesday morning... she hasn't even been to school. Don't want to risk her getting worse or even getting anyone else at school sick. So house-bound she goes.
I am hoping that she is better by Sunday night so that she can go back to school on Monday.
I was hoping that she would have perfect attendance this month since it's a short amount of time in school because of the holiday, but her health comes first.

Speaking of health... so I though for sure that this week was going to start off strong for me but unfortunately, with my daughter not feeling all that great, I wasn't able to make it to the gym any other day this week except for Monday. What a bummer! UGH!
But today, with her being at home with my mom, I will be running straight home, getting my stuff and headed to the gym. Come hell or high water, I will be there. 
I can't allow any more excuses to slow down my progress... I have goals to break this month and they aren't going to break themselves if I am just at home. Even though I am not just sitting at home doing nothing, you know.


And I am proud to announce that I am now a group leader for a movement made for women... No Excuse Mom Chicago (https://www.facebook.com/groups/noexcusemomchicago/). In this movement, we aim to inspire, connect and motivate our community to be healthier.

The purpose of this group is to serve as an inspiration and motivational hub for women who want to be in the best shape of their lives and are done with excuses.

And that's exactly how I feel... I am done with excuses on why I cannot be healthier.
I have been following this group (www.noexcusemom.com) for over a year now... and if you know anything about television and the internet, they are a great way of getting information about people. 
When I heard about Maria Kang and her "no excuse" poster (http://www.noexcusemom.com/who-we-are/), I read her story and it touched me... she didn't allow having 3 children stop her from attaining the best body that she can and get in the best shape of her life. 
She started this movement in her home state of California and now the No Excuse Mom movement has moved across the nation and into several different countries around the world.
And after being in a few Facebook pages for NEM, I realized that this was something that I would love to... become a group leader and show other mom's that there is really no excuse to become a healthier version of yourself.

This isn't a diet... this is a complete lifestyle change.
The way that you think about food... you don't reward yourself with food - you fuel your body with the right types of it.
The way that you think about exercising... you don't need a gym membership in order to work out - we have children that can help us along the way as natural weights. And we can show them to live a healthier lifestyle as well.

I am happy to be taking this journey so many women around the nation and around the world... and I am so happy that I am share the knowledge that I have gained in the last year with women that might need the information that I have.

So... with all that is going on in my life, I have no more excuses. 
I know that there are mom's out there that have more children than me, that are single moms, work more than one job and they still make the time for themselves.
It's not about being selfish... it's about being a better mom for my daughter and an even better looking (and feeling) wife for my husband. ;-)

Until my next post!

Welcome December

30 days until New Years Eve... so not ready for the year to end yet. I'm not at the weight that I wanted to end the year at, but I am closer to it than 3 months ago.

24 days until Christmas... yikes! I am so not ready for the gift giving season.

9 days until my hubby's birthday... how exciting!

But I'm very disappointed in myself. I didn't post anything in the month of November. I totally slacked off. I even started one off for November but didn't post it.
My birthday month.
Thanksgiving.
So much went on this past month that I could have posted about, but no more.
I need to snap out of this no posting crap. I need to keep myself accountable for this weight loss journey that I'm on.

So with this 1st day of December, I have promised myself that is back to posting and back to the gym with the hubby and princess. Tonight we go to back gym and take yoga.

I have set 3 goals for myself for the month of December:
1 - try to lose 10 pounds this month
2 - run one full mile without stopping
3 - be able to lift the weight bar without assistance

I need to accomplish these goals for myself. I need to do it for my daughter. I need to do it for the husband that supports everything that I want to do. I need to do it for all those people that believe in it, especially my mother.
And I need to do it for those that need that little bit of help to get them through their hard workouts... for those women both Latina and non-Latina that might look towards me for support, whether I know it or not.

I do it especially to become a stronger mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, cousin and Latina... I do it to make myself proud.

Hot cocoa...

So sitting here and my boss tells me that she went, with her sister, to Ghirardelli in Downtown Chicago the other to get some hot cocoa... and it just came to mind, I need to do that with my two loves.

I love hot chocolate... and to have a Ghirardelli's here in the city, well, you need to and get some when the weather starts to turn colder. And since we've never done that, that's something that I know that my two loves would love to do.

I would love to be able to plan out a night out on the town for the three of us... carriage ride through the city, with the blankets on top of us. Then going to a dinner and then getting some yummy hot cocoa to end our night.

There are so many things that I would love to do with my little family... but since we are low on funds (LOL!), I decided to show them how much I care by cooking some very healthy foods and going to the gym together.

So on Tuesday, I cooked garlic broiled chicken with carrots and parsnips and brussel sprouts. Yum yum!! It was so good.

The little princess had two pieces of chicken!

Garlic rubbed roasted chicken with carrots, parsnips and brussel sprouts

I am so happy that I am able to make great tasting, healthy meals for my family... just because we are changing our diet and trying to eat better doesn't mean that you have to skimp on taste! 

And then yesterday, I cooked again for them...

It was white rice with beans, pork chops and plantanos... or fried plantains. It was so yummy!!

Added the avocado for good fat!

Things are starting to turn around for us... the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be burning brighter.
I want to do so much for my family... I want to move ahead. I want to get ahead. I want to make things easier for them.
And I know that with time, we will get there.

Sometimes feel as though things are spiraling into the wrong direction, no matter how much I try to turn it into the right direction.

This morning was an eye opener for me... as I sat across the table from 4 different people as they asked me questions about my current position.
I hope that things are lined up the way that I see them in my mind... so that I can sleep better and feel better about my professional life.

Well, I was hoping to write more today... but feeling all sorts of things right now, so hopefully tomorrow I will be able to write more.

Thanks for reading! 

End of the week...

Here are the current stats...

Starting weight: 238 pounds (the heaviest I have ever been in my life! I wasn't even that heavy during my pregnancy)
Current weight: 226 pounds (started a new cleansing diet that the hubby out me on at the beginning of September and have already lost 12 pounds!)
Goal weight: 170-175 pounds (I will leave it at that for now, not sure how I will look at that weight but hopefully I won't need to be any slimmer than that)

So for the last couple of days, I have been feeling so differently... I've been dressing differently, doing my make-up again, and taking pictures of myself to show myself how far I have come in less than 2 months.
Even though I have been on this weight loss journey for so many years, it wasn't until this year and more importantly, last month, that I have finally since the change in my body.

And since I am taking pictures of myself to document my journey... here is one to show that I am actually making strides in my journey.

You can see the difference in my face in how much just 12 pounds have made... I don't look puffy, I don't look like I'm a chipmunk (as much) and I'm seeing a change in both my skin & my attitude in general. My smile is even different in each picture!
I am drinking no less than a gallon a day of water, and my skin is showing me that it's liking it.

Things in the last few days have changed for me... I'm thinking clearer now.
I am letting the universe and God lead me into the right direction with some things. 
I've been contemplating some things in my life and praying hard for the right paths to come my way, but I have decided to let go and let God take over. 
I did that one other time in my life, many a years ago, and I was blessed with the man that I call my husband and best friend.
So I know the power of the Lord in my life... I just needed to let it go again and let HIM take over for me. 

I've been stressing a lot... I have let it go.
I've been not sleeping well... I have let it go.
I've been thinking too much... I have let it go.

Now to continue onto the path that has been laid down for me and know that when the time is right, things will be lined up and put into the right perspective for me. I can't allow stress or negative thoughts come into my mind and heart.
I have too much going for myself (and for my family) to let things like negativity, whether from a person or a situation, weigh me down.

My family needs me...
My friends need me...
I need me...

I am doing this for myself... and especially to show my little girl that this is a healthy lifestyle to live. She loves going to the gym and I love that about her. She gives me the boost of energy that I need in order to get myself to the gym. 
And since the gym isn't that far from the house, we've walked there when it's been nice out, but lately the weather hasn't been all that great to walk but she still asks if we can walk there. LOL! This little one of mine is too much. 

I hope and pray that this healthy lifestyle that we are showing her is something that she will carry with her for the rest of her life. And something that she will pass along to her own family.

I saw something that I had posted a year ago... and it actually still pertains to me today:

"Hope is not the absence of pain. Hope believes in the possibility that joy and laughter can dance with sorrow. Hope is the promise that no matter how heavy the burden, we can still find happiness."

And that, my friends, is what I hold onto... HOPE.
HOPE that my weight loss journey continues into a lifestyle that is finally accomplished.
HOPE for my little girl... that all that she wishes to do and accomplish in her life is done.
HOPE for my husband... for all that he sets his mind to do, is done.
HOPE for my friends... that the burdens and trials that they are currently facing be less as the days come and go.
HOPE for my family and friends... that the sense the love that I have for them, each and every day.

I believe

On Friday I felt all sorts of weirdness in my stomach. I left work and tried to figure out what it was all about but I couldn't figure it out.

I got home, after picking up the princess, and just sat in the couch still trying to figure it out. But nothing came to mind on why I was feeling this way.

So, the hubby and I dropped off the princess with my mother-in-law and we headed out for a date night with the hubs.

After having dinner at a Thai restaurant, checking out Barnes and Noble, the two of us went to check out the scary movie called "Annabelle". YIKES!
Even though the movie scared me, it was a wonderful night with the hubby. Something we hadn't been able to do in a while.

The weird feeling in my stomach finally went away by the end of the night, thankfully.

The rest of the weekend was good.
It didn't go as planned for the placed I wanted us to go but the quality time we spent together was just what my soul needed.

I'm so blessed to have a wonderful family to be around. I couldn't have asked for a better family.

And to start off the week right, we went to the gym for some yoga and meditation. Exactly what my soul called for to end my day.

Cannot wait to for the rest of this week to see how it going to be.
Keeping positive and keeping my soul content.

Happy 1st Friday of October!

It's the first Friday of the month and I'm excited for what October has in store.

Yesterday I mentioned that I needed to get myself out of the "pit" of my life and I needed a career change.

So today, I came into work with an idea of getting out of this place even more than I have ever thought possible.

BUT...

I have this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach today... I don't know what to make of it. 
I am actually sitting in front of this computer trying to figure out what to even write today.

So, since I am at stuck with both what I want to write and how to deal with getting out of this "pit".

Maybe I will feel better tonight after the gym... and spending time with my two loves.

Career Change Needed

Have you ever come to the point in your life that you know for a FACT that you need a career change? That something inside of you is just trying to bust through and allow you to be happy with the change that you should make?

You know that you should be happy with your job but things aren't what they are in life.

I have tried so many things to get out of the "corporate world" and work for myself... have more time for family, more money in my pocket to fix up the house and get the things that we need, but whenever I think that things are going well is when I notice that they actually aren't.

I tried selling Avon products once again, at the end of last year, and that didn't work out. I ended up spending more money out of my own pocket than receiving in profits.

I've tried to make chocolate candies for special occasions and even though I was able to get to fantastic orders (one baby shower and one graduation) but since the beginning of the summer, I haven't gotten any other orders since.

I have looked into ways to save money so that I can go back to school, but it gets harder and harder as days go by.
And now with the holidays coming, it's going to be even harder to save up for school. But I am hoping that I will be able to do this soon because I really want to do it.

Sometimes in life, you put yourself into a pit. Not knowing why you do this to yourself. 
Or maybe you do know why you put yourself into the pit... realizing that either you are afraid to move ahead for yourself or you are just afraid of what the future holds for you.
Either way, you need to be at the top of that pit with a ladder, giving yourself that little bit of assistance to help you out of that pit.

I have decided that I need to get myself out of this pit.
In order for me to move forward with my dreams.
In order to me to feel better about myself.
In order to know that I am stronger than what I have ever imagined possible.

And yes, ladies and gentleman, I am strong and I will come out on top of this.

Fall is here!

Starting weight: 238 pounds (the heaviest I have ever been in my life! I wasn't even that heavy during my pregnancy)

Current weight: As of September 30th, 2014 - 228 pounds! YAHOOO!!!!

Goal weight: 170-175 pounds (I will leave it at that for now, not sure how I will look at that weight but hopefully I won't need to be any slimmer than that)

So I already hit that first milestone in my weight-loss journey... losing those pesky first 10 pounds and I am so excited.

That was the goal for the month of September and I am so glad that I accomplished it. September was a hard month for me, gym and health wise.

First it was my mom getting bronchitis and then I got it... then the princess got sick... then I got sick again... the hubby got sick (we got sick together).
But in the middle of all that, I was able to sneak in a few days at the gym... thank goodness!

The diet that the hubby has me on is certainly helping me along. I am so grateful that the hubby researched this diet to turn my hormones around and in the beginning has helped me lose these first 10 pounds.
I am hoping for more weight loss... and at the end of this journey, I am hoping for not only some MAJOR weight loss but the change in my hormones that both the hubby and I are praying and hoping for.

Things have been great for me since August... and I so excited what the next couple of months have in store for me and for my family.

I have so many dreams and want to chase them all... but there is always something there stopping me.
I have meditated on how to move past these road blocks.... but I guess I need to meditate on these roadblocks and figure out what exactly is holding me back.

I think that I will have to do some deep meditation on this... I want to be certain that I am not the one blocking my own destiny, what might of been.

I am so grateful to have been introduced to meditation especially at a time in my life that I have felt that I so out of sync with myself and my life.

I have realized as Latinas, and as especially Latina mom's, we don't allow ourselves to take time for ourselves. 
Do you take time out of your day to do something that you want to do, even though there are a ton of things that need to get done at home?
Do you want to go to the gym but feel guilty that being away from the family for that hour at the gym?
Do you want to hang out with some friends of yours (and it's been forever since you have!) but know that you haven't really spent "quality" time with your little one(s) and your husband/partner?

We need to allow ourselves SELF-LOVE... that's not being selfish. That's giving you the time to get away and unwind. To know that when you LOVE YOURSELF, you can love everyone else around you with all your might.

And meditation has allowed me to focus on that.
Yes I admit, that have been times that I haven't meditated on a problem/issue and that problem/issue has consumed me. That's when I have to sit back and realize that I don't need to meditate for 10 minutes, I need to meditate longer... because I need to look internally for the solution to my problem/issue.

There is nothing wrong with feeling like you need to take some time away. That's SELF LOVE.
There is nothing wrong with feeling like you need to talk to some friends and not have your family with you. That's SELF LOVE.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to go to the gym. That's SELF LOVE and knowing that you want to get healthier for your family.

Be MINDfull of the things that you want out of life... meditate on it.