Sunday Evening

It's Sunday evening and for the first time in weeks, I am sitting on the couch, watching a movie with my #MiraclePrincess... while the hubby sleeps on the other side. LOL!

I was able to submit my homework in a timely manner that allowed me to hang out with my two loves.

This weekend was amazing... spent time with my two loves, was able to go out for a birthday party for my friends daughter and even caught up with an old friend on Saturday night. I was even able to get all the Christmas cards addressed... just need to mail them out.

I'm all settled in for the night... and looking forward to the week ahead.

And I am so happy that I'm back to writing... hoping to keep this up in the new year.

Wishing you a wonderful evening... and a great new week. XOXO

♡☆♡☆

End of Year... New beginnings

And what a year it has been... I am both proud and disappointed in myself.

I wanted to accomplish so much this year, and even though I have accomplished more than what I set out to do, I have let other things that were very important to me fall to the wayside. Like this blog for example, I worked hard on it for many years and this year... I have only written in it 11 times (not counting this one). Why? Why did I let something that helped me so much in years past, go so far back into the back of mind that I had almost forgotten about it?

But I will not allow this to be called a defeat because that is not what this is... it is only a set back. I will bounce back to the person that I was and make sure that I do what makes me happy - especially in the new year.

So much good has happened to me this year...

• Started up school again and in about 6 months, I will be graduating. Which I am completely and utterly excited about!
• Our #MiraclePrincess has started kindergarten and she will be graduating in about 6 months as well.
• I have started a new job in a new industry and I am so happy that I have done this leap in my life and in the life of my family.
• The repairs to the house are coming along... the hubby is kicking butt and taking names!

And so many other things have happened that it would take me a while to list them all out... but of course the good comes with the bad and I'm not about to start pointing out all the disappointing things that I have accomplished because I hope to be able to fix all those disappointing things in the new year. 

I don't want to end another full year with disappointments, but I will leave them in 2015 and know that in 2016, things will be better and I will not end it disappointed in myself.

I have said and done things that have hurt both me and other people... and I tend to make amends to all that. I want to continue to grow as a person and continue to learn more about myself and what I'm capable of doing.

I am 2 years away from being 40 years old... I want to make these 2 years count and ring in another decade of my life, looking back knowing that I am a better person.

Strange feeling

Have you ever woken up from an night's sleep with a strange feeling?
A feeling that you just can't pinpoint? Not knowing if it's good or bad... whether or not it's a good feeling or a bad one.

All I know, is that I wish that I was back in the safety of my house, under the blankets... waiting for this work day to end so that I can get home, and get to the gym.
I want to pump some iron... and just get back home to relax with my two loves.

Things have been a little nuts in my head... I need some fresh air in my head, to be able to breath some fresh air into my lungs.
This has been a very long winter, as much as it is officially spring, we had a lot of snow come down on Monday and I am ready for full sunshine... the heat on my face, the cool breeze flowing through my hair. Being able to roll down the windows of my car or open the windows of my house... and just feel the breeze.

I am sitting here writing this out with tears in my eyes... I don't know how to feel right now.

I just want this feeling to just go away...
I want to feel normal again...
I want to smile and keep the smile on my face...

It's a short post... but it's a powerful one for me.
I am not admitting defeat because that isn't what this is... it is just a set-back. I will bounce back from this... just scared on how long it will take me to do so.

No More Excuses

Yes... exactly that... No More Excuses!

I have set forth a goal for myself for the next two months... more gym time for myself and my family.
No more excuses on why we - or better yet I - can't get to the gym.

I was asked, along with some other women in a Madison, Wisconsin group, to be included in a swimsuit calendar cover shoot... for a chance to grace the cover of the No Excuse Mom 2016 calendar.

I feel so honored to be among the women that will be suiting up on April 26th for a photo shoot in our swimsuits... but I am also so nervous about it.
I have a whole month to get into the best shape that I can for this shoot... and this is the best kick-in-the-a$$ for myself to get into the best shape of my life.

Even before I got the invite, I was working on a goal board for myself - to hang in my bedroom - for the next two and a half months.
I want to be in the best shape of my life... with my upcoming 7th wedding anniversary in May... with our 9th year of being together coming up in June... my 38th birthday in November. And so many other events upcoming in my life that I want to look fantastic for.

My goal chart

So this is the chart that I will be waking up to for the next two and half months... the goal chart that I will see at any time that I open my eyes at any point during my day, this is what I will see in my room. To remind me that I have set goals for myself... and my life.

I want to be comfortable in my own skin... to be able to rock any outfit that I want and have my husband see me in a different light.

The little circles are all the pounds that I have to lose... yes... there are a lot... yes, I plan on losing each and everyone.

Seeing the visual of the weight that I want to lose will be a bigger push for me.

I know that I can do this... I have the support system already in place.

And I am ready to do this. I am ready to knock those pounds off my body for good... they have been given a pink slip and they have 90 days to vacate! 

I have 19 days until my daughters 5th birthday... I am really hoping to be able to lose at least 10 pounds, if possible.
I know that it's a lot to ask... but I know that if I really put my mind to it, I can do it!

Wish me luck... I plan on updating my blog more often now because of my goals.

I want to be able to show how excited that I am in doing this.

Why do I feel alone right now?

Why do I feel alone right now? Why am I afraid to post this? 
It's not that I am... just that I feel it.
Feel as though I'm an outsider, for some reason... I'm sitting here wondering.
It feels so strange... not being able to just pick up a feeling and make it go away.
It feels so out of touch... that I have the love of my husband, daughter, mother and friends but have lost the love of a brother.

That's what I am feeling... the lost love of a brother.
When he sent me a text for Thanksgiving that he was not going to come over... instead spent it with "friends". Couldn't even come to my house for my birthday... 
I haven't seen him since October... time before that, June... time before that, April... time before that? Probably the year prior.

My daughter will be 5 in 32 days... I sent him an invitation to her party.
I don't think that I will hear from him... instead I will get a text stating that he and his family won't be able to come. My nephews birthday is two days prior to my daughter's birthday... but of course, he will make the excuse that they can't come over for a little while to spend time with the only niece that he has. 

My only child.... my little girl that doesn't ask about her two cousin's anymore because she's probably forgotten about them.
My only child... that adores her cousin's but since they are older than her, they could care less about seeing her or talking to her.
My only child... that when first faced with her uncle, was afraid of him but as she grew older, loved being around him since he would give her the attention that she so desired from him.

My brother... the only sibling that I have but for some reason, can't stand the sight of my family.
My brother... the one person that I did anything for, without question.
My brother... who when was married, I was the first one to know and I took them out to eat to celebrate.
My brother... who I helped with his two children, when things were going for them. I was always there to help out.

But I write this open letter to him... as I will not be making an attempt any more. 
I will no longer be shedding any tears for him any longer...

As time passes, I realize that my relationship with some people have just changed. I am so drained in knowing that things will never be the same.

The dream that I had last night of the huge party that you invited everyone to, except for me, showed me even more that our lifetime bond is officially gone.

I realize that you have your own family now... and I understand that... but we were family once and you used to come to me with stories and advise that you needed. 

I have tried reaching out to you, my little brother, to let you know that I am here for you... but I guess I am not needed in your world. I now understand the pain that our mother is going through because of your choice to push your parents and sister out of your world. I guess we don't live up to your current standards of family.

I have put myself on the line for you so many times, only to be continued to be trampled by you.

Only when you have been drinking do you remember that you have a sister, a mother, a niece, a father and a brother-in-law... other than that, we do not exist to you.

Even writing this note - that you will never see - hurts me, that tears fall down my face. But I must wipe them away because crying them makes no difference if you aren't around to see that the way that you act towards me actually hurt.

Not only have I lost you, I have lost the two boys that you brought into my life when I was alone - my two nephews. Two boys that know NOTHING about me. Two boys that don't like being around me, when they used to love hanging out with me. Two boys that don't know anything about their only cousin that lives close to them, and who adores them from the moon and back. She used to constantly ask about them but since you took them away, they could care less about having her in their life and she doesn't ask about them anymore.

Your brother-in-law continues to tell me that you love me in your own way, but I don't see it... I woke up crying from that party dream that I had and he tried to reassure me that you wouldn't ever not invite me to something important in your life. I turned to the side... and knew deep inside, that you have already done that to me too many times - excluding me from your life is the biggest part that is being done right now.

So with this note, that you will never see, I bid you good-bye, little brother.

I know that you will always be in my heart but never in my life... not the way that I expected you to be.

I love you with all that I am and forever will.

Post gym... Day 2

Its been a while since I've been consistently going to the gym since my accident on February 9th.

But I started off the week at the gym and even went again - alone - last night.
It has been feeling great going to the gym again... I surely missed it.

I missed the pulling and the pushing of my muscles against the machine... And I missed the feel of the weights under my fingers.

I was so happy that I was able to lift weights on Monday night with the hubby. He clued me in on some new ways of lifting the free weights... And the muscles that those particular exercises would be working. It was a great feeling. And I hope that we have that time together at the gym tonight... I absolutely missed him but it was nice to have that alone time, while the Miracle Princess was in daycare with other kids.

There are some women that will say that I am being selfish... knowing that my daughter is away from me all day long while I am working, then I put her in a daycare while I work out.
Where is the time that I spend with her? I can tell you where it's at... it's at home when she is on her tablet, learning and asking asking me questions about something. Or when she colors something and she shows me.
Or when we are laying on the couch watching something, and she wants to snuggle with me.

Or when we are in the car, early in the morning and she's talking to me.

Or last night, when she was excited to be going to the gym and tells me that I can keep her forever... that I can feed her, take her to the movies, take her to the gym, give her snacks, cuddle with her, snuggle with her... my daughter knows the time that I spend with her.

So no... I don't feel bad about taking time for myself, because I am doing this for her. I am doing this for my husband. I am doing this for myself. 

I am becoming a better for my daughter... so that she has someone to look up to. To know that your body doesn't define you. You become a stronger person at the gym... so that those that inspired you, know that they made a difference. And so you inspire others to make a difference in their lives.

I am a no excuse mom... and I will build up a no excuse daughter... and I have a no excuse husband/father. 

We are a no excuse family!

Not sure if you noticed... but I changed the title of my blog.

When I first started up this blog, I was fooling myself that I was "Starting Over"... but you can only start over (for real) so many times.

There comes a time when you just have to take the bull by the horns and face your enemy... yourself!

I am tired of saying that I want to "start over"... I just want to have the motivation (that I have in my heart) to come out all the time.

So far I've gone to the gym twice this week... even though I was in massive pain from my ankle sprain yesterday, I still made it. It took a lot of dedication from my end to go... I could have just sat on the couch and complained to my daughter about the pain that I had, but as soon as I got home with her, I got ready - while the dog was stretching her legs outside - and finished up while she ate and went back outside to do her business.

As long as I am out of the house, as soon as I get home, I am good.... I just don't want to be waiting around because then my motivation to get out of the house diminishes.

So that's why I changed my blog title... cause it's finally my time to do this and do this right.

I became a No Excuse Mom leader for a reason... to give the inspiration that I had been given to others. To inspire someone to take control of their life and become a better & healthier person.

So... if I want to inspire others and I keep getting inspired by others, why can't I keep that momentum going for myself?

Taking my life into my hands

Recently I reached out to a friend, who had vertical sleeve gastrectomy weight loss surgery over two years ago, to get her opinion on whether or not having weight loss surgery (WLS) would be the best option for me to lose weight.

Mind you, she has no degree in weight loss or is a therapist... But I trust her opinion since at one point in her life, she weighed over 400 pounds and is currently 187 pounds.

Even before she was able to express her thoughts on this, I started listing all the reasons I want to do this...

- I need to lose over 60 pounds in order to be at a very comfortable and healthy weight

- I have been working hard at the gym but the scale continues to go climb up instead of down

- I want to be around for my hubby and #MiraclePrincess

- I'm afraid that one day I will look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at me.

I let her know that I have made an appointment for a consultation with the weight loss doctor at the hospital that I had my #MiraclePrincess at.

And as I wribe this blog out, I am second guessing myself on whether or not this is the right plan for me.
I know that losing 60 pounds isn't hard to do, if I really take my life and health into my hands and cut the bullshit about making "excuses", I can seriously do it. I have the support system already in place.
I generally like eating healthy and generally like working out.

Going through this drastic surgery is huge... It's just not about losing weight, its about a full on change in my life.

Unlike my friend, I am not on the verge of dying from so many ailments...
She had so many ailments working against her, so for her, it was about saving her life over trying to look cute... I am so proud of her taking that step to get healthy for herself, for her wife, for her family.
She is seriously my inspiration to get healthier... I look to her when I am not in the mood to do anything.

I look into the eyes of my hubby and #MiraclePrincess and know that they are my reasoning behind getting healthier.

But every time I am on the right path on my workout routine, something major happens to me.

The last time it was a cold... The time before that, I messed up my toe and couldn't run/walk... Now this time, I fell down the stairs in my house over two weeks ago and I am currently in a "space" boot until further notice.

Just when I was on a roll with my training, my wonderful hubby purchased an entry for he and I, along with our daughter, to be in a 5k the weekend after our anniversary. I get this wonderful gift the week after he purchased it, which was 5 days after my accident, which was my Valentines Day present. UGH!!

But I am on a mission to get better and do whatever it takes to do so... I have my follow-up with the orthopedic doctor tomorrow afternoon to see how well I am doing but I have a feeling that I'm going to be in this boot for a while because I am feeling a lot of pain in my ankle and heel today.

And after writing in the car for almost 50 minutes about this, I have decided that I am going to cancel my appointment for next Friday.
I am going to sit with my hubby tonight and tell him my thoughts. I want to plan out what we both need to do in order to get to our goals this year.

I'm so glad that I decided to write today..  It had been some time since I've wrote my blog and it actually helps to write things out for myself.
And I am sure that those that read my blog will be surprised that I had even thought of this... Surprise! LOL!! But seriously, I will be blogging more about my weight loss journey, in hopes that it will keep me more accountable to myself.

I hope that this post, along with the others, will not only help me but hope those that might need some encouragement to get their health in order.

#NEM #NoExcuseMom #NEMRegionV #NoExcuseWife #FitMeliForLife #MeliWeightlossJourney #HealthyWifeHealthyLife #Fitness #GoodEats #Transformation #StrongIsTheNewSkinny #Motivation #Inspiration #HardWork #Inspired #FitFamilyForLife #HealthyLiving #LifestyleNotDiet #ISweatGlitter          #SummerBodiesAreMadeInWinter #Running #Runner #WeightLifter #NoMoreFrowns #UpliftingLife

Looking into the mirror

Yes... we look in the mirror while brushing our teeth or brushing our hair or doing our make-up, but do we really look at the person that is staring back at us? I know that I don't... I don't want to see the woman that I turned into.

The woman that doesn't see the damage that she has caused to her family for so long... the woman that has caused so much damage to herself... the woman that has caused my self-esteem and self-image go down the toilet.

Do I really need to look in the mirror, I ask myself.
And the answer to that one question is YES.

Do you want to continue to see your family hurting because of the way that you acting?
Do you want to continue seeing the hurt that you are causing to yourself? The way that you don't want to look at yourself anymore... the way that you don't see that smile that you used to have plastered on you face, the way you used to laugh with all your might?

Look in the mirror... still not convinced?

Are friends confronting you about the way that you look uncomfortable around them? But they see that you need this intervention, out of the love they have for you and the person that they know is still there waiting to come out.

Look in the mirror... open your eyes?

Is the relationship with your mom killing you softly inside because of all the complaints, the talk downs, the reminders of all the mistakes that you've made and according to her, you continue to make?
You know that she loves you, but the relationship has become toxic.

Look in the mirror... take the hands off your face.

What's holding you back from achieving your goals?
What are you afraid of?
You have the support system all along... are you afraid of growing? No need to be afraid any longer... this is something that you have always wanted and craved. Take the bull by the horn and do what you have to do.

Look in the mirror...

Recognize that woman staring back at you... that's me.
Hello again... finally nice to meet you.

Mend yourself... then things will fall into place

SLACKER!!!

LOL!!!

Okay... so a lot has been going on this month and it's only the 13th day of January.
But I shouldn't be slacking on my blog... this is something that I started and something that I should be keeping up. No excuses!

I had a break-through this past weekend... like I said, a lot has been going on but God sent me three angels with the names of Nayda, Diley and Yadira to help me through this.
My #1 angel is Joel... my husband... but those three sat me down and told me that I am not the person that they know, and they are right.

They notice that I don't smile as much.
They notice that I don't laugh as much.
They notice that I am not the person that they know.

This is affecting my life... it's affecting my marriage... my relationship with my hubby and my daughter... it's affecting my state of mind... it's affecting my health.

Something inside of me has snapped... 
It started back in September of 2014 when I felt something inside of me that just wasn't right... so I started to take my health a little more serious than I usually do because if I didn't, I know that I was going to have to look for a - and please forgive straight to the point message of this - cemetery plot for myself.

And every month after that, I have tried my best to focus on something that will change my life around.
But it wasn't until this past Friday - the 9th of January - that I broke down... I was seriously sitting at my dining room table, as a broken person. Facing these three angels, telling me that they noticed that I am not myself, and that they know that something is going on with me.

I closed my eyes for a moment and the tears just came down... I thought that they wouldn't stop.
I closed my eyes and saw that my family had moved on without me... because I didn't care about myself, because I didn't care about them.
I was going to lose my life to my negative thoughts... I was going to lose my life to my depression... I was going to lose my life to my lack of determination... I was just going to lose my life in general if I didn't do something about it.

And doing something about it is what I am doing... to get back my smile, to get back my spark, to get back my laugh - to get back my life!

I will no longer be the one destroying my life, cause that's what I was doing to my life - destroying it. I can't blame anyone but myself for not reaching out... for help, for assistance, for not seeing the help all along but I was just too proud or even stubborn to put my hand in theirs for help.
No more... I am not a superwoman in real life. Everyone needs help here and there... and asking for help is not a sign of being weak. Not asking for help, when you clearly need it, is a sign of not being grateful for the wonderful people that you have around you.

So with that, I will leave you with a poem that I came across this morning, that a friend left for another friend... sometimes you have to "mend your life" because you are able to move forward.
Focus on yourself... cause if you can't help yourself, how can you truly help others.

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Don't lose hope

Have you ever thought that all that you love was just slipping through your fingers? That you were about to lose it if you don't work harder than you ever done before?

Well, it is about to happen to me if I don't do something  about it.
I won't share what it is at this moment cause I've been given a chance of a lifetime to change it all around... for my sanity and for my future.

I am going to fight tooth and nail for nothing terrible to happen. I am going to pray harder than I have ever prayed in my life for the strength to move ahead and for the right direction for me and my family.

Good night!

Have you ever just...

Wanted something so bad... that you've waited years and years to do it... that just the thought of it, makes you cry because you know that you can do it, but there is always something holding you back?

I actually have two of those...

1. To lose the extra weight that I am carrying
2. To run... just run without stopping; run without feeling pain in my joints. To run!

Yup... losing weight. Just about everyone has that in their goals... to get rid of the extra weight that they carry. No one wants to be overweight. No one wants to be considered obese.

I want to be at a healthy weight... and of course I am working on getting there. Nothing this year is going to stop me from getting there.

But it's the second one that tears at my heart... the ability to be able run without any problems.

I know that once the weight has come off, I will be able to work harder on my endurance of running - because it's not about the speed. I want to be able to run a half marathon this year. 

I am shooting for September of this year to run the Women Rock Chicago Half Marathon.

I hope and pray that I am able to achieve these goals this year, as I have been wanting these two things for as long as I can remember.

I plan on working harder than ever before to achieve these two major goals in my life.

NSV #1

NSV (Non-scale victory): today I went to a party with my mother... And I was dressed in jeans but I knew that everyone there was going to be super dressed up. I originally was just going to stay in my jeans because I felt comfortable but I didn't want to stand out.

So I asked my mother if she happened to have something I can borrow... Knowing damn well that nothing she had is going to fit me because she is 5'1" and I'm 5'6".

She came out of her closet with a few skirts... One of them caught my eye... A purple, stretchy skirt in a size 8/10... I'm a size 14/16 on a daily basis.

But I decided to try it on and can you believe that it fit... And it fit wonderfully!!!

I'm sure that it was because of the material but I felt fabulous in it either way and it didn't bother me at all, especially on the waist where I usually have problems.

I cannot wait to see what size I'm in in a few months...

This size is something that I haven't been seen in over 13 years. It made me tear up a bit, but in a good way. Something inside let me know that getting back to this size is surely possible for me.

Happy New Year!

Here is my 1st of the year picture. Amazing how much work I need to do to get into shape. 💯% dedicated to getting this done for myself.
I weighed myself on Monday at the gym and I'm at 227 and I'm 5'6" and I wear between a 14/16 in clothes depending on the cut off the clothes... I would really like to be between 165-175. So that's a loss of 52-62 pounds... I did 10 pounds in one month, so I would really like to get this weight off by my anniversary in May. Or at least in 6/7 months from today.

Good luck to us all this year in attaining our goals.
Much love to all!

🌟。♥。😉。🍀
。🎁 。🎉。🌟
✨。＼｜／。🌺
Happy New Year!
💜。／｜＼。💎
。☀。 🌹。🌙。
🌟。 😍。 🎶