Okay... So here I go again...
How many times can one person say that they are going to start over with something before it can be said that no one will believe you? I want people to believe me, but I also want to believe in myself. Where is my motivation? When am I going to be able to reach my goals... To finally be happy with myself.
I want to enjoy every moment in my life... But how can you when I'm feeling down all the time or just not happy with myself. I want to enjoy all the seasons... Especially summer! I remember when I would wear a bathing suit and feel great in it... Now I'm forever looking for excuses on why I can't wear one. So pathetic!! Where is that girl that used to love showing off her curves... Made friends with everyone that she'd come across. I miss her... And I'm sure that a lot of my family and friends miss her too. She was no nonsense... She didn't care about what people said. She didn't see others as the enemy. She laughed a lot and cried very little... Now it seems like the polar opposite.
I want to flaunt my curves again... Have my husband see that girl that he once knew become the woman that she should have become. The woman that my young daughter can look up to and be proud to call her mother.
I want to go out again... Enjoy the night life with my family and friends.
I want to step foot outside and feel the sun on my face... And look at myself with a sense of greatness again.
I want to see new things and see old things with a new set of eyes...
And with this being the year that I turn 34 years old, I want to start enjoying life again.
And with God and my family and friends by my side... I will achieve my goals.
“We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.” Roderick Thorp
ReplyDeleteDear Meli,
My commenting on your blog probably isn’t going to erase all doubts you may have, but my hope is that you realize you are not alone. When you fill yourself with positive vibes, the negative has less power over your thoughts and you regain control of your life once again.
Everyone has insecurities. Whether it is work performance or the sleekness of that little black dress that used to fit so well, (stupid delicious cupcakes) we begin to doubt in our abilities and presence as individuals. At that point we become overwhelmed with what if’s, why not’s, and wtf’s!?! (I’m sure that’s not just me.)
Once the negative thoughts take their course, you have to realize there is a significant amount of VERY POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOU sitting right next to your insecurities which you should glance over at more frequently.
While I have not known you for very long, I am humbled to call you my friend. Disclaimer - Because I am in IT, I can’t write a poetic self-esteem paper if my life depended on it. Luckily, I happen to be awesome at listing things out.
The Meli I know:
• Is sweet and thoughtful
• Looks beautiful by simply smiling
• Gives the best drinking ideas
• Has called me just to say hello
• Successfully sustains a husband and home
• Invited me out at my lowest moments without even knowing it
• Cares about her daughter more than anything in the world
• Is honest, even when the truth hurts
• Makes a mean taco salad
• Can spot a bargain a mile away
• Makes me want to get up and out of the house
• Doesn’t know how amazing she truly is
See, told you I was good.
If fueling a “starting over” attitude is what you need to be happy, then I support it completely. Pictures, sun dresses, a night out on the town - let’s plan it all! Just know there are wonderful aspects about you that do not go unnoticed. I am glad you found a method to get your thoughts out and I will make an honest effort to read and comment.
If I wasn’t excited about this weekend before, I definitely am now. I hear there is a new girl in town ;)
To my wonderful wife Meli. I am very proud of you wanting to turn a new page on your life. Like I have always told you, you have greatness, but your fear of failing shadows what you can be. I have always beleived in you and that is the reason why I have uncouraged and tried to lead you to be better, the real you. I always saw you coming and I promised never to leave you behind because I know you are very special. I am here........
ReplyDeleteTo Jessica, thank you for being you. Meli has been in need a positive female feedback and you have been her muze. Never feel like you are less of yourself. Just like I tell Meli, walk proud. The world sees more of you that way.
Peace ladies......
I know I'm just on the outside looking in - and I'll also acknowledge that I'm way outside... like center field bleachers - but I commend you for [literally] putting yourself out there and using your family and friends as a resource to hold YOU more accountable to YOURSELF.
ReplyDeleteI can understand how frustrating it must be to reflect on who you are now and who you were before and not be pleased with some of the differences, but at least you're DOING THE REFLECTING! I'm sure you know of many people that are either completely oblivious to the not-so-pleasant things about themselves or don't care enough about themselves or those who love them to give change any thought.
This is how I see the journey to self-love, which is, ultimately, what I think you're seeking:
1.) Become TRULY self-aware - be honest internally and outwardly honest with yourself about who you are at this time (good and bad)
2.) Recognize the POWER you have to create change in your life to better the things about yourself that require improvement
3.) Set realistic goals for all parts of you: the physical, the mental, the spiritual, the social, the emotional, and the sexual.
The lessons learned in those steps, along with actual follow-through of achieving goals, will undoubtedly strengthen you, better you, and rebuild that esteem you have lost.
Be proud of this journey, Meli!
So I just read over what I typed and I sound like a self-help book! LOL. But I meant EVERY word of it. I speak from my heart and my own experiences. Much love to you and your family :)
ReplyDeleteThank you all for such wistful and wonderful comments.
ReplyDeleteLike Esmie said... I am putting myself out there to you all so that I am fully accountable not only to myself but to those that take the time to read what I write.
I am so grateful for the life that I have been given and the wonderful people that are in it.
I hope to continue to keep myself accountable for not only the sake of myself but for the love and support of those around me.
Thank you all... And be on the lookout for a more 'wonderful' Meli.