Here are the stats...
Starting weight: 238 pounds (the heaviest I have ever been in my life! I wasn't even that heavy during my pregnancy)
Current weight: 230 pounds (started a new cleansing diet that the hubby out me on at the beginning of this month and have already lost 8 pounds!)
Goal weight: 170-175 pounds (I will leave it at that for now, not sure how I will look at that weight but hopefully I won't need to be any slimmer than that)
I haven't put those words to "paper" in a very long time... but I am happy that I have the strength and courage to do so now.
I am taking back my life, one step at a time.
I am taking back what is rightfully mine, one step at a time.
I am finally seeing the person that I am meant to be... not 100% yet, but I see her more clearer today, than I did 9 months ago.
And so much has changed for me as well... my sense of worth, my sense of style, the way that I see people and relationships.
Some people have gone, some people have stayed and some have come back into my life.
Sometimes it takes a swift kick to the ass to see things in another way... or even see the way that situations are being presented to you - whether online or in person - to shed a light on the way that people really do/don't care about you.
But that's okay... I'm in a better place in my life now. I've come to the realization that not relationships are meant to be forever or meant to stay the way that they are.
I am not a sheep anymore... I am going to follow the pack anymore. I refuse to keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting things to change - expecting people to change.
I have started up meditation and realized so much in the short amount of time that I have been doing it. I have realized that I am the one that causes my own happiness. I am the one that walks alone because I don't want to be just another person like everyone else around me. I realized that I walk by the beat of my own drum, not the drum that everyone else walks to.
I have realized that I have to open myself up to greatness... whether it is big or small or anything in between.
I have realized that I need to do for me and my family... I open my heart, my arms and my home to whoever wants to come in. But if you are going to bring in drama, negativity or anything else that isn't good for the mind, body or soul... you aren't welcomed into my house or in my life.
I once had FEAR in my life... fear of being alone, fear of never accomplishing anything, fear of never being able to lose weight. And I was afraid of expanding my mind to try and do new things.
But I don't carry that FEAR with me anymore...
I have faced my FEAR... I rose to the occasion and faced what it was that was holding me back.
I don't F-E-A-R being alone... solitude is the minds way of teaching you to open up. And open up I have... I feel a sense of calmness rise inside of me when I am able to be alone and think... meditate... see things for what they really are.
I don't F-E-A-R not accomplishing anything... I have accomplished so much in my life, just needed to open up and see all that I have already done and plan on doing.
I don't F-E-A-R that I will not be able to lose weight... it's taken me some time to get to where I am, but I am finally seeing results of the hard work.
And I don't F-E-A-R the expandable essence of what my mind is capable of... it has shown me that I am stronger than I have ever been.
I thank the Lord that I am surrounded by both great and positive people... people that I know that I can count on and know that I am now in a better place.
I am so happy to be back to doing this blog... I continue to work towards a better me.
A lot has also happened to the other two halves of my heart, but this particular post was all about me (well, not all about me) and the little bit that has been going on.
I am sure that I will be updating the blog on different things, on another day.
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