January 18, 2012

January 18, 2012
Ahhh… another cold day here in the city of Des Plaines (where I work) and Chicago (the city where I live).
Okay… only 62 more days until spring!!! I cannot wait to see the sun shining all the time and the warmth of the air coming through my car window. Or even opening a window period to let a nice cool breeze come through – not a freezing chill.
I have been at work since 7:30 this morning and my feet have yet to warm up – and it’s almost 11:40am! UGH!! I just want to feel warm again. I’ve had oatmeal for breakfast (with a banana) for 3 whole points and a cup of tea with two teaspoons of sugar (for one more point). So this morning’s breakfast was only 4 points for me… and this afternoon’s lunch was a total of 12 points – I took about an ounce of popcorn that someone had brought in, so that cost me 3 points on top of the 7 points for the frozen Smart Ones dinner and the 2 points for the mini-cookies that I baked the other night. But I’m not feeling hungry anymore… which I am happy about.
Well, it’s now 1:13pm and my toes STILL haven’t warmed up… I wonder if I should be worried about that; probably just bad circulation or something.
It’s been a very trying day… I’ve been thinking a lot of my family and how much we can accomplish if I don’t have another child. But at the same time, I am thinking about the future of my little girl. Once Joel and I are gone from this world, she will have no family that is directly attached to her. She won’t have any direct cousins from Joel’s side since I really don’t think that his older brother Michael will ever have children of his own. The only direct cousins she has will be Ethan and Joshua - and they have each other. I can’t leave her alone in this cruel world. She needs the support of a sibling. There aren’t really any other children her age around the family. And she loves being around other kids, she has so much fun. And she is just so loving towards people… I can just imagine how wonderful she will be as a great older sister to either a little brother or little sister.
WOW... just typing that out made my eyes water.
On the other hand, as I have mentioned before, I would love to be able to take this weight off that I have been carrying around for so long for good! And I know that getting pregnant again isn’t going to help the weight situation and the weight is only going to go up.
Well, I guess the only thing that I can do right now is allow my body to make the decision on whether or not it wants me to become pregnant again.
I did get a call from my insurance company yesterday letting me know that the medication that the doctor originally wanted me to be on was approved and it will be arriving to my house on Friday. I was surprised about this since the doctor told me that I didn’t need to take anything so I called Dr Davies office and asked about this. They told me that to just hold onto the medication and wait to see in a month if I am pregnant or not. So I will have this crazy medication at my house until I decide to use it.
My mind is running around wondering what my next move should be… but I don’t know what that move should be.
I don’t want to seem selfish… but you walk the line with not wanting to be selfish and being selfish with these decisions.