Welcome to a new month!

I hope that this month is as good to me as January was - 2013 has been great to me so far.


On another topic...

I have been experimenting with my eye make-up lately, trying to get that whole eye shadow thing down pact. So far I've been doing okay with it... getting the three colors to match, then sort of "blending" them and even adding a little color here and there (It looks like I'll need to get more colors!) but in the end, I am not sure if I am doing it right.

Am I doing it right?!

I look in the mirror over and over again but I am still not sure. UGH! Sometimes being a girl sucks!

And here is my BIGGEST problem IS the mirror! When I look in one mirror, I think that I look good... but when I try to look into another mirror, I don't like what I see. Actually not only do I not like what I see, I HATE what I see! UGH!
I feel like a Monet... from far I look great but when I look closer... it's a total mess!

I am trying so hard to change myself... my clothes, my hairstyle, my make-up, my attitude, my body - but I feel like nothing is actually working for me.

I don't know what's going on with me right now... I felt semi-great yesterday, especially with getting the news that I can start taking the medication for my fertility problems but I don't know now.
I don't like this feeling... but it's the way that I am feeling and I want it to go away. But I don't know how to make this feeling go away.

Here I am trying to make things better for myself and something inside of me is trying to sabotage me. I stand here wanting to scream instead of wanting to smile - and the smile that you see today is just a mask to cover-up all the pain that I feeling right now.

I sit here wishing that I was at home - alone - under the blankets, screaming my lungs out!
And I wish that I knew why I want to do that!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I look at my fingers on the keyboard and I don't know what to write anymore...

I want this month to be positive... I want this month to be good for me (and my family).

I guess I have to suck it up and let these negative vibes flow out of my body.

And hopefully I will be able to get rid of these negative thoughts... I really want these thoughts to go away because negativity does not need to live here.