But before I get into those feelings, I wanted to share the wonderful past weekend that I had.
On Friday night, we had a company Christmas party at Bar Louie down here in downtown. And I had never been there before. It was so nice... we had such a great time. :-)
Here are a few pictures from the party itself. :-)
Everyone had such a great time and the food was fabulous! I am so glad that I decided to go to my first outing with the office folks.
Then on Saturday, the hubby, the princess and I woke up late and hung out at home for a while before heading out to a birthday party for the baby of one of the hubby's cousin's. It was a good time... and the princess had a great time there.
Saturday night was a blast! I am so grateful to all those people that came out for the hubby's birthday gathering at the bowling alley... a GREAT time had by all. :-) I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to come and spend time with us to celebrate the hubby's birthday.
Here are a few pictures from that night...
The hubby walked away from that night a happy man... he was so happy about the turn out and the great time that everyone had that night. A lot of laughs, pizza and a lot of drinks were shared that night... and again, thank you to all that came out. I cannot wait until the next time we all go out again.
And then on Sunday... that was the day that the princess had all our attention and devotion!
Here she is waiting for everything to happen...
She was just so ready to get back into the warmness of the car because not only was it cold, it was raining too! But she was such a trooper to brave it all for her first run. I don't be putting her through any other cold runs but surely know that I will putting her through the warmer ones. LOL! She enjoyed it!
She even got to see Santa Claus... he came right down from the North Pole on Sunday to wish all the racers good luck! :-)
And here are pictures of her actually running the 50-yard dash...
And here she is at the end of the race... cheering that she did it!
We are so proud of our little girl on her first run - even though I had to run it with her because she wouldn't let go of my hand. LOL! But she was so excited about the whole experience!
And here she is... in the car...
She knocked out from all the fun that she had that morning... but that didn't stop her from continuing her afternoon with me and my mom and then that night at her grandmother's house for her daddy's birthday dinner.
That afternoon, she took a ride on a train at the mall... LOL!!
And then that evening... she helped her daddy blow out the candles on his birthday cake...
It was a fantastic weekend... couldn't have been better if I would have planned it even more.
Then Monday was the hubby's actual birthday... he drove me into work since I was bringing in rice that he made for the team the night before. And I started my day here.
That night I waited up for him to sing happy birthday to him with the princess... it was great!
Tuesday was just another day... nothing major.
This morning I had an appointment with the fertility doctor at 6:45am... and the three of us headed over there together. Another round of blood tests and an ultrasound was done. Now I am just waiting to hear back from the nurse and what may my next steps be.
But back to the way that I am feeling today...
I was talking to someone at work today and was given a new sense of hope... something that I didn't believe that I could have at this stage.
Someone here at work has gone through perimenopause, at the age of 37 a tab older than when I found out, but a lot of the feelings that she went through, she went through them alone also. At the time, over 12 years ago for her, she didn't have anyone to talk to about this because there wasn't a lot of people that had been going through this either.
The sense of being alone in this is still there but with knowing that there someone else that went through it at a young age close to me in the office to ask questions to, is reassuring to me.
I asked her about the sense of losing my sexual appetite, and she told me that is normal. But I can't get comfortable with that notion... I have to fight it. I have to make it a priority for my relationship because I can easily just push it aside as a common side-effect of this.
And then to top off my morning, I just received the phone call from the nurse.
She said that my FSH level (follicle-stimulating hormone level) is higher than it was last time I was in.
I can't catch a break... I don't know what to do now.
I am on the internet looking at ways to lower my FSH level. According to some website, my diet needs to change so that I can bring it down.
I need to get more proteins, good fats and complex cards. I need to take more iron and vitamin E. Maybe even taking some herbs called Shatavari, Dong Quai or Rehmannia might even help.
Never did I think that I would be going through two trying things in my life at the same time... trying to get pregnant on top of battling with perimenopause. This last year has been so trying in my life. I am so surprised that I have not just lost it... I am so surprised. Even though I have gotten very close to that point, that all I want to do is cry my eyes out, I have been able to bring myself from it.
Any other person would just let their emotions take completely over - and it's not to say that I haven't stood in the shower just crying my eyes out - but I have noticed more and more that God believes so much in me and in my strength, even when I haven't been able to believe in myself.
And I have the most supportive people surrounding me. Even though they don't understand what I am going through, they try their best to be supportive of me.
But in the end... no matter how hard things may be, I look at this and know that it will be worth it at the end...
The reason that I haven't gone completely crazy... my princess.
I look into her sweet face and know that no matter what, she will be my rock (along with some other people in my life) and lift me up; just as I will continue to do for her.
And I have to thank these two wonderful women for holding my hand through so much...
I know that at times I might be the most ununderstandable person, but I appreciate the way that you both make time to listen to me and care about me deeply. I love you both... the sister's that I wasn't blessed with by my parents, God blessed me two-fold.
And before I lose it too much, I will end this entry here... and I am sure that I will get the message that I wrote too much today (LOL!!!) but I appreciate that you read it all. :-)
Hasta la proxima! XOXOXO
This is post #100... so proud of myself!
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