4 posts... 2 days

I can't believe that I am almost all caught up with my posts and today I just have to post one more time.

This post will officially be post #198... and tomorrow, the last day of the year, I will have officially have posted 200 posts.
So excited that I will have completed what I set out to do... 200 posts for the year.

What will be more impressive would be when my blog has over 1,000 posts... that's where I am headed. I know that it will take me a while to get there, but I will.


I just came across an article called, How to be authentic and find true friends in a competitive world.

WOW... this article hit me like a ton of bricks.
There were a couple of things in the article that really hit home.
Am I trying to compete with others in regards to friendship?
Am I trying to one up others without even realizing it?

How has it come down to this?

I guess you can say that I have been in my own bubble when it comes to friendship.
I feel left out a lot... in more ways than one.
I've never had those friends that would just call me to see how I was doing... even though I do it.
I've never had those friends that would call to see if I wanted to go out to dinner... I would love to do that.

I've just admitted to my hubby that I don't like speaking around a lot of people because growing up, I was always interrupted when I speak and I still do. So I've always felt that what I have to say isn't important because I'm always getting shut down when I try to talk.
It's hurtful to feel as though what you have to say isn't as important as whatever anyone else has to say.

When someone tells you something about, for example, losing something... and you suggest that they check somewhere... and it isn't until someone else brings up the same suggestion, that they finally "hear" what I said.

Or when someone is looking for a suggestion on something, like a restaurant or something, and you give it... but they don't "hear" it until someone else repeats the same thing that I said.

Or when just in conversation with people, no one "hears" what you are saying... no matter how many times you speak up. But God-forbid you say something about being interrupted and they act as though you've just hurt THEIR feelings by making that comment.
Excuse me... how many times have you interrupted me while I was trying to say something.

I guess I've been using social media to cover up how I feel about things.
No one can interrupt what I am trying to "say" because they won't see it until I have posted it.

Yes... I'm an adult and I shouldn't be so petty about this. But how would you feel that your whole life, you haven't been able to express yourself because you have always been drowned out by others voices, by others lack of respect while you are speaking, or just plain ignored while expressing yourself? You wouldn't like, no? Well, this has been the story of my life.

I try to fit in and not even say anything but then I am seen as not being part of the group.
I try to fit in... but I don't have the same experiences as everyone else, so I am not allowed to express my feelings about a subject.
So I just sit back... look like a flower on the wall. 

I am trying to sit here and whine about the way that I am treated... just pointing things out.
I don't like it... but I guess I'm so done with it, that I don't know what to do about it anymore.

I'm really hoping that this upcoming new year is a life-changer for me... I have so many things that I want to accomplish and so many things that I need to change about myself.