Christmas Eve Eve

So much still to do and not enough time to do it all. But I can't stress about it.
I'm only human and can get done what can be done.

Three weeks since the sight of a little bit if sun... and I finally have figured out why I've been feeling so super emotional. All I want to do is run to my bed and cry. Cry until I can't cry no more.
This lack of sun is really draining me.
This lack of sun is not allowing me to enjoy the holidays.
This lack of sun is sucking away my life.

I want to be over-the-top happy about Christmas being 2 days away but my mind won't let me.

I'm trying my best to stay positive. To look for the sun in any situation that I can.

Seeing the faces of those I love really helps me but sometimes I feel with feeling this way,  I am weighing them down. Being a burden to them.
I don't them to feel like they need to "entertain" me... or even listen to my whining. That's not what they are there for. And they have their own problems,  their own issues... they don't need to take on my problems or issues too.

And I know this is affecting me big time.
I had a terrible nightmare earlier this morning.
There were three of us... myself, the hubby and someone else.
We were kidnapped. The other person was tied up with weights on their legs and thrown into a pool while I watched them try to save their life.
The people who kidnapped us.. well, tried to rape me while my hubby was tied up, unable to help me.
I woke up kicking and crying. It felt so real.

I felt helpless... exactly how I am feeling in real life.
With this dream, I now know that I need to do something about the way that I am feeling.
I don't like to feel helpless... I need to turn this all around.

I need to do this for me.
I need to do this for my sanity.
I need to turn this all around before it consumes me.

Where are you sun?!?!?