Body tired. .. mind racing

How annoying.... it will soon be midnight and no matter how much I try to close my eyes, sleep just eludes me.
My body is asking for rest but my mind is racing faster than a NASCAR driver driving the Indy 500. Ugh!

I pray every night that the Lord to give me strength. The strength, confidence and guidance to the right direction for my life.

I don't really ask for me... I pray for my princess. For the words that she cannot express. For the chance to have a sibling for her. For the chance to share her life with a sibling.

Tonight, I had the opportunity to have my two beautiful nephews over and I saw the interaction between them.
And I hurt for my little girl... not knowing whether or not she will have that sort of relationship with a sibling.
I watch the interactions between other siblings and I'm jealous for that for my little girl.

Someone that she can play with.
Someone she can share secrets with.
Someone she can argue with.
Someone she can turn to in her time of need.

I continue to pray.

I'm not being selfish for me... I'm being selfish for someone that can't speak to how she feels about this because she doesn't understand what is going on with her mommy.

I listen to my body but I don't hear a thing.
My mind and heart are at odds with me.

I know that I just can't give up in myself because I know that there is still a fighting chance for me.

But I don't know how much more I can take... I know that I'm hurting myself but I'm also hurting others.

I just don't know how to express myself anymore. I feel like a broken record!

I continue to pray... and ask for strength.
I continue to pray... and ask for guidance.
I continue to pray...

Good night... sweetest dreams to all.