Life takes so many twists and turns that in a blink of an eye, things can be put into perspective or can be totally thrown into a loop and life lets you figure it out.
I don't know where I want to be this week... it could be a toss up for sure. I want to be in charge of every single thing that happens to me this week but at the same time, sometimes getting things jumbled up gives me an opportunity to make it right for me. And sometimes the latter is great because it allows me to rethink things and put things (or people) in their place but especially allows me to grow as a person, which is something that I enjoy doing very much.
And that is a question that I have been asked in the past... it's a hard question to answer, but I feel that it is a harder question to even ask. Sometimes you just look at the person who would ask a question like that and wonder why they would even ASK a question like that. But the flip side to that is the way that I can answer that question... my head held higher than before. The strength within even stronger. The look in my eyes burning brighter than I ever thought possible.
And then the words just come out so sweetly and without falter... I don't stumble upon my words when I speak.
I might have tears in my eyes... but they are because I have overcome so much in such a short period of time.
I smile because I know that all the heartache that I have endured is worth the prize that I have.
And because I am not a victim... I am a survivor.
I know that I have been through a lot in my short life...
Loved and lost but gained such an awesome partner for life because of all my heartaches.
Been given the opportunity to become a mother... and if my body doesn't allow me to have another, I am blessed to have been pregnant at least once in my life, and even more blessed to have a beautiful and healthy little girl. :-)
Friends have come and gone in my life... and some have even found their way back and I am happy about that. And even new ones have found their place in my heart also.
On another note... I have some good news on Mayalis.
I took her into the doctor on Saturday morning to have her weight checked. Good and bad... she didn't lose any weight (which was good) but on the other hand, she didn't gain any weight either (which was bad). I was hoping that she would have gained something but hopefully she starts gaining something.
And the doctor gave me some medicine for her cold... and he advised me that one of the side effects of the medicine is that it will make her hungry! OMG!! Are you serious?!? I took that prescription and ran to the pharmacy to get it. Her cold has started to clear up, thankfully, and her appetite has slowly been coming back.
She started eating a little more this weekend and I am very happy about that.
And I received a call from the doctors office and they said that everything is fine with her tests. The cultures came back negative, which is great!
The doctor himself called me and told me to wait a week and see where she is... hopefully she starts getting her appetite back herself.
I'm crossing my fingers and praying even harder.
This Wednesday is my appointment with the fertility doctor. I am getting excited about it... and I am hoping for the best news going into this appointment. Surely Dr Davies can finally help us.
But I am coming to terms with it - if I can't get pregnant on my own - that I am happy with my little family. I am blessed in so many other ways... and even though I would love another child, if my body just doesn't agree with my mind and heart, then it's okay.
Perimenopause might be winning this battle but it hasn't won the war yet... only time will tell who will win this war.
But no matter what, I will rise to the top of this and be great!
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