As many of you might know - or might not know - I have struggled with my weight for such a long time and I wanted to use this blog for not only my thoughts about my fight with getting pregnant, my thoughts about my life in general but also my battle with my weight.
And that's why I have decided to take over the weightloss battle myself. I am completely in charge of what I am doing and what I am eating. No one has any say-so in what I am doing unless it is something positive.
Yesterday I started my workout routine and I decided to go with the the "queen of mean workouts", Ms Jillian Michaels. And after her 20 minute workout, this is was the end result...
My shirt was drenched, my hair was soaked with sweat and I couldn't really move my legs or arms! She kicked my ass for the first workout but I plan on mastering it and getting to each level within 10 days... so in 30 days, I should hopefully see a change.
I'm praying for the strength to get me through this and get me through these workouts. And since I posted this picture on Facebook - which I am not happy about but I had to put myself out there to hold myself accountable - I have to finish this part of my journey before my birthday. And with my birthday only 33 days away, I have the time to figure this out and get it done!
I am tired of saying that I am going to take care of this issue and not doing anything about it.... there is no excuse for me not doing it. There is so many opportunities for me to get this done and get it done for good. I have the support that most people crave.
When I get home tonight - which I should have done this morning - I will be weighing myself and posting it here. Hopefully I lost some weight but if I didn't, it's not the end of the world. I will have to work on getting this weight off harder. :-)
I will be 35 years old in 33 days... I need to be in better shape for myself. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Even getting dressed to come into work is starting to become a chore. I used to love getting dressed up... and I want to feel that way again. I want to look great - not good - in my clothes. I want to look at myself again and be satisfied with the way that I look.
I want the hubby to look at me and say... hubba-hubba! LOL!!
I want my little girl to look at me and know that I am in the greatest shape of my life and I am strong for her.
I sit here and write this and tears are forming in my eyes because I am tired... tired of trying and not giving my all in it. Tired of trying and feeling like I am a failure for not finishing it. Tired of trying and feeling like I am not getting the results that I need to get.
But more importantly... I am tired of starting over... :-(
But...
And that is where I am right now... I am not starting over because I quit Weight Watchers, I am continuing on my own. I am not giving up my dream! I will do this!
And blogging about it, my struggles... the ups and downs... the battles... the urge to give up... all of it! But I will especially be proud of those breakthrough moments that I know that I will have. Those will be the ones that I will most proud of. The ones that will help me continue on my journey.
The tears are finally going away and a huge smile is coming across my face... something that I am so happy to see because I really want to do this.
I see others achieve their dreams, so why can't I? I deserve to have dreams and have at least THIS one come true, don't I?
I see the look on my hubby's face when I give up on myself... the look on my mother's face when I say that I can't do this... and I know that they both believe in me but they don't believe me when I say that I am going to do this because I have said it so many times before.
It's not like I entend to give up on myself or just give up... I just get so frustrated at what is going on with me that I don't know what to do.
But this time I am not giving up on myself... I want to be BULLETPROOF! Nothing or no one to stand in my way in achieving my goal.
Stand as stone-hard as I can in order to get where I need to get - so I am finally happy with myself.
Tonight I will heading home to do day 2 with Ms Michaels... because not only did she kick my ass, I ENJOYED IT! My legs are killing me but if you looked at me, you couldn't tell. My arms are stiff and in pain, but again, if you looked at me, I wouldn't tell you.
This is something that I have to remind myself everyday... the circle of my life:
DON'T GIVE UP
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
STAY POSITIVE
HOLD ON
Things that you want in your life aren't usually easy... so why would I think that this journey was going to be an easy one? I don't know... I guess I'm looking for an easy way out but there is no easy way for this. I guess it was easy to put on the weight because I didn't care about myself... but I care now and getting it off is going to be one of the best things to ever happen to me!
No comments:
Post a Comment