Spiritual Road

 

That is a pretty deep title... even for me. But I know that is something that I have needed to do in my life, I guess, in order to see things clearly. 

I have been holding in so much hurt in my heart... so much pain in my soul... so much resentment in my life... and I need to let it all go.

I don't know why I am holding on to any of this... it doesn't make sense to me. I want to be a happier person and yet I am holding onto so much of these negative things like my life depended on it.

WHY? Is there a real reason that I am holding onto them? 
To answer that truthfully, there isn't a reason to hold onto any of those negative feelings in my life.

I am supported and loved by so many wonderful people... so why I do see myself treating these same people as though they don't mean anything?

I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life but yet I sometimes I don't see it... I can't be THAT blind to things, can I?

Do I have demons that I am not aware of that are filling me with this fear, this resentment, this hurt? He needs to go!

I want to be carefree... I want to be completely happy... and truly mean it.

I don't want to have arguments with people.
I don't want to feel like I have to hide myself because people won't accept me.
I don't want to feel like I don't matter... not only to myself but to others.

Just like my journey in my weight loss, I want to excel in what I put in front of me.

I want my daughter to see me as a role model... not someone that she can't count on. I don't want my daughter to look at others as a role model, nor would I point her to others as a role model. 

I am the one that gave birth to her and I am the one that she should see as a positive and strong person. Not this person or that person... NO! I am that person that will be that person for her.

And I will do that... I will change my attitude.
I will change my frame of mind in order to get rid of the demons that have taken up residence inside of me and making my life a living hell on earth!

I will no longer look blankly at the world and use the "pen" in my hand and the strength inside of me in order to do things that will make my life sunny again... I want to illuminate in the sun!

No longer will anyone speak for me, I will speak my mind but be mindful to the words that I am speaking.
No longer will anyone pull me down just for their amusement, I will stand balanced with the right amount of ammunition in my pocket.
No longer will I live my life with my arms closed, my life will be lived with arms wide open.

I am going to set this world on fire... and whoever is still standing next to me when the flames are extinguished, I will welcome on my journey in my life.